aesc | .ficlet: Walking, Wounded

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.ficlet: Walking, Wounded - D/M 1.1

Written in about 10 minutes to get this out of my system long enough to concentrate on translation. Hate Friday seminars, because they mess up my weekly night off. *grumble*

Title: Walking, Wounded
By: HF
Email: aesc36 @gmail.com
Pairing: Danny/Martin
Rating/Warnings: PG. Angst.
Disclaimer: Without a Trace belongs to Jerry Bruckheimer, CBS, and very likely many other people.
Advertisements: Companion for 4.02 "Safe."

Notes:

lillyjk wrote some marvelous Danny introspection. And this is my crack at Martin.

WALKING, WOUNDED

When the doctor gives him the cane, Martin’s first promise to himself is to stuff the thing into his closet and never look at it again. Because he doesn’t need it, doesn’t want it, this reminder of how he tires so easily, how his heart pounds and his breath comes short and tight in his chest.

By the time he gets home, he’s relieved that his building has an elevator that works and his next-door neighbor has volunteered to go to the store for him.

By the end of the first week he wonders how he ever managed to walk around the corner to the convenience store for Snickers bars whenever he’d felt like it, much less run for miles.

He gives the cane a reprieve. Three weeks, he tells it, and then you’re history.

Sometime between the third and fourth week he realizes that his fingers have made impressions in the foam rubber.

Four days into week five he manages to walk to the store without it.

He does not manage to walk back. Rob, his neighbor, has to come and get him.

At the end of week five, he gets the all-clear from Jack. He can start on desk duty in a week. Desk being the operative word, but Martin’s so relieved that he can be out of his apartment that he doesn’t care if Jack chains him in the file room.

On the ride up to the twelfth floor he has to lean against the elevator wall, and he’s suddenly terrified, because he has his cane and he still has to lean on it, and he moves so slowly, and he has no idea what people will see when they watch him make his slow, painful way down the hall.

Everything’s changed, he realizes. Someone’s messed with his desk and he’ll have to put everything back to The Way It Was, even though he knows that’s impossible.

Viv and Sam are still here, and Jack’s concern still confuses him, and that’s comforting, sort of.

But Danny… Oh, God, Danny.

He wonders if it’s the wound in his chest acting up, or if it’s something else – heart failure, maybe, standing here with Danny, both of them trying to tell the other it’s okay, it’s all okay, when it’s clearly so very not. Because the cut on Danny’s head is gone, but the look on his face is like he’s bleeding – bleeding out fear, desperation, guilt, more that Martin can’t begin to understand and can’t articulate even though he senses the same things in himself, close beneath the surface, a wound ready to break open, and he wishes he could say them but he can't.

Wordless after one last reassurance that goes unheard, he watches Danny go and is grateful for the cane and the wall, the two last things in the world to hold him up.

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Because the cut on Danny’s head is gone, but the look on his face is like he’s bleeding – bleeding out fear, desperation, guilt, more that Martin can’t begin to understand and can’t articulate even though he senses the same things in himself, close beneath the surface, a wound ready to break open, and he wishes he could say them but he can't.

*wibbles*

OMG - yes, that's it exactly. *poor boys*

I can hardly wait to DL this, although I don't think I will ever forget the look on Danny's face when he sees Martin for the first time and the two of them have their first conversation in weeks. It's just... love, fear, guilt, confusion, everything, and *falls apart into wibbling*

If EM doesn't get some kind of recognition for this, I am going to have to put some hurt on people, because he's killing me. He really is. He's owned these two episodes, seriously.

I know. I'm so EM's bitch...totally and completely. I tivo'd it so I've been rewatching over and over. he just totally and completely breaks me without ever saying a word.

*sighs* Maybe he wouldn't have to tell me in Spanish to dress up in a chicken suit and hand out Bibles to passing atheists... He would just have to look at me and I'd do it.

Okay. Article. Yes. Going now.

*agrees*

GRRRR~~~~
"he watches Danny go and is grateful for the cane and the wall, the two last things in the world to hold him up." *sobs*
Move your ass to Martin's side,Danny.If you don't get over the guilt soon and be there for him when Martin needs you most,this is going to blow up your relationship in the future.(glare at Danny)

*has her evil way with your icon*

imagines BeardedDanny and barechestedMartin...much beard burn ensues.

Move your ass to Martin's side,Danny.

That's what I was shouting at the TV, pretty much. Argh! Danny, just hug him for crying the fuck out loud!

*combusts*

K i go bed now g'nightbye.

I love your choice of words e.g. the wound on Danny's head being gone but him still bleeding.
I think you did very well with Martin's portrayal and consequently in how he deals with things. Great story! What better than nice post-ep (angsty) fic? :-)

The last two paragrpahs brought me close to tears and totally did me in *sniffle*

Because the cut on Danny’s head is gone, but the look on his face is like he’s bleeding – bleeding out fear, desperation, guilt...

How do you make me love strangers!?

Very nice. Love the last bit especially.

Oh that was well done. Yes, so very much what was going on in Martin's head. ::wibble:: My poor, poor boy.

I like to think that Danny and Martin are loveable in and of themselves :D

*hugs Danny and Martin*

I feel so terrible for them... The look on Danny's face both times he saw Martin... just... I can't describe it, other than to say he's in love and he's terrified and overwhelmed and oh, God, whatever coherency I gained by sleeping I'm rapidly beginning to lose...

Thank you! And that's what he looks like... everything out there, because he can't keep it back. Poor Danny!

*consoles* There, there...

What better than nice post-ep (angsty) fic? :-)

That's what I'm sayin' :) I might as well wallow in it while I can!

But still... *pets Martin and Danny* Poor boys.

I just said to that Martin looks almost as if he is healing better then Danny.

Viv and Sam are still here, and Jack’s concern still confuses him, and that’s comforting, sort of.
I so feel for Martin coming back and finding everything different yet, somehow, the same. He had this sad look in his eyes, that just broke my heart.

and is grateful for the cane and the wall, the two last things in the world to hold him up.
Aww! I wanted to hug him in that moment, and I know the scene couldn't play out differently but I so wanted for Danny to go back.
*loves this fic*

Wow! This was great! Poor Martin, he's back but things have changed...are not and probably never will be the same again. Great job!!

Sammi

After that episode, and after reading this fic, I am starting to seriously think there is a conspiracy to break my heart.

*whimpers*

You've got quite possibly the best Martin voice I've read, ever, because ohmyGodyes, this is exactly what he was thinking. Waah!

Gah. You're good at angst.

You just made me cry.

I watched Safe and immediately after that I read your fic. It's heartbreaking. It's so damn beautiful.

I'm dl'ing the ep as we speak (er, as I type), but what I can remember from the haze and freaking out of last night, I think you're absolutely right. Weirdly, even though he's the one who almost died, Martin seems to be doing better than Danny is (not that he's doing well, by any stretch of the imagination), emotionally speaking. Danny, though... having to deal with the ambush in its entirety--Adisa being killed, Martin being shot, and maybe not being able to kill Dornvald himself, and not having anyone to talk to or a way to resolve any of this--just... poor boy! *hugs for Danny*

I felt terrible for him at the end, when he's in the office by himself, and I get the impression that Jack's concern is confusing (and upsetting) him. Add on the new tech guy, the crazy desk setup, and Icky New Blow-Up Agent, and he has to be wondering what the hell is going to happen to him.

Thank you! My poor, poor boys... two episodes in and already they're being put through the wringer.

This killed me almost as much as the expressions on Enrique's face throughout the episode. So glad you wrote this, it's such a perfect little insight into Martin's (sadly) angst-filled world.

*hugs you and hands you a handkerchief*

While I don't like making people cry as a general rule, I am kind of happy that the fic worked as well as it did, considering it was dashed off very quickly :)

And if this is what the rest of the season's going to be like... well, I'm not going to make it.

This killed me almost as much as the expressions on Enrique's face throughout the episode.

Thank you! Yes, EM very nearly destroyed me as well... just the way Danny looks at Martin, it... he... they... *wibbles*

After that episode, and after reading this fic, I am starting to seriously think there is a conspiracy to break my heart.

Why, whatever would make you think that? *innocent look*

You're good at angst.

Thank you :) For this, and for Martin. Poor Fitz!

Oh dear.... poor Martin. I can just see him growling at the cane. This was a great fic. Definitely got into Martin's head. The Martin/Danny convo... I just knew it was going to inspire some fics.

Thank you! The entire episode was fic-worthy, but that scene in particular... It was played to a 't', and just so beautifully excruciating that I still can't think about it logically.

I really liked this! To take your story a step further, it's safe to say that the cane is a crutch, and Martin has always been against using crutches. He could have let his father be his crutch to get ahead, instead of doing the work and proving himself, but he didn't. He's so strong, and I think it's heartbreaking to see him forced into weakness, not by something he could combat by sheer force of will, but by physical constraints he has no control over. Of course, WE know that just coming back to work after that kind of ordeal shows how strong he really is, but Martin can only see his flaws and not his strengths.

Anyway, great story! I'm going to friend you, if that's ok. I'd love to read your reactions to the latest episodes.

Oh, definitely. Martin's probably thinking that six weeks out is entirely too long, and that most competent people would have been back in four tops, and two life-threatening bullet wounds is no excuse. He's so strong in himself I really wish he could see that he's not as flawed as he thinks.

. I'd love to read your reactions to the latest episodes.

Okay, but I must warn you... It's all rambling, incoherent, running commentary. Nothing profound, only me freaking out for 45 minutes :)

And if this is what the rest of the season's going to be like... well, I'm not going to make it.

I know exactly what you mean!

*hugs back and blows nose in handkerchief before she returns it to you*

:o)

It's all rambling, incoherent, running commentary. Nothing profound, only me freaking out for 45 minutes :)

As if anyone can be profound while watching the hotness of Danny and Martin angsting and loving all over each other!

I wonder how this will affect him in the long run, he went out of his way to show he is fine, he will try twice as hard now that he feels useless.

the new tech guy, the crazy desk setup, and Icky New Blow-Up Agent

It's happened to me to come back after a long absence to find that things have changed, and I know how it is to feel left aside, as if you need to work hard to catch up. Even if he is not the reason Jack is calling the new agent (I think Danny is the reason) he will hate her (politely of course, because he is Martin after all) for she will represent all the changes he fears he can't cope with or accept.
You know? This writers are going to kill me this season.

he went out of his way to show he is fine, he will try twice as hard now that he feels useless.

This is going to be Martin's albatross for the rest of the season, I think (and Danny's as well, in probably a much more explosive way... but you know, I love the thought of Martin finally losing his control and freaking out. Hm... *considers*). He obviously doesn't want Jack catching on to how badly off he is, and he hates that he keeps getting thrown by the changes in the office.

And this is kind of an aside, but the expression on his face when Viv hugs him... I can't tell if he's about to cry out of relief to be back or pain because she's probably pressing on one or both of his wounds. Poor boy! *hugs him*

(I think Danny is the reason)

You're probably right. Danny is certainly making a lot of mistakes--totally understandable, but also very dangerous.

I think a lot of it has to do with Jack as well. He's willing to put Sam out there because he knows she can take care of herself (as she's the only person who hasn't had something horrific happen to her in the past few months), but he doesn't want to jeopardize Viv's heart, Martin's not able to go into the field yet, and Danny's falling apart as he watches (and does nothing, I might add). He does love his team, in a way that he expresses by trying to smother them, and I'm pretty sure it's going to blow up in his face--my money's on Viv and Danny. *nod*

Hee! Good to know this is the standard reaction.

Most of my life is devoted to calm, collected analysis and evaluation... but not this :)

Er... you can keep it :D

After watching Safe, I have to admit, you got Martin's reaction spot on.

Looks like, as long as these two don't talk about the shooting and its aftermath, this is probably the way they will act around each other. Hope I'm making sense.

Thank you! They really are going to have to talk this out, even though it's going to be really difficult, because the whole thing is killing Danny, and Martin's not doing much better.

but you know, I love the thought of Martin finally losing his control and freaking out.

I really hope Martin would explode again, but it seems wishful thinking considered the way they are setting things up. I agree there will probably an explosion from Danny (Viv? I don't know, she looks so calm even when she gets on Jack's face *g*).

And I agree about Jack as well, I liked him more in this episode than in the last one, he maybe understands he can't cope with all the things that are happening around him and *in* him. The first time I read that it was Martin that would be wounded, I remember thinking that it was interesting seeing how Jack would react, because those two have an interesting relationship *and damn love triangle for messing that aspect of the show* I must say I'm kind of surprised by the looks Jack is sending Martin, a mix of tenderness and ... pity?

You're probably right. Danny is certainly making a lot of mistakes--totally understandable, but also very dangerous.

I feel so much for Danny, he looks as much as scared and lost as Martin. I don't know what I'm expecting from the future just that they don't drop things as in A Tree Falls/Legacy storyline.

And this is kind of an aside, but the expression on his face when Viv hugs him... I can't tell if he's about to cry out of relief to be back or pain because she's probably pressing on one or both of his wounds. Poor boy! *hugs him*

I think it's probably pain, he sort of grimaces, but I liked that he only does that with Vivian, because it means she hugged him hard enough to hurt and this just warms my heart. Oh Vivian, how I love thee.
*join you and Martin in a group hug*

p.s. I found your reply only by chance because I was in the mood of reading your story again

I don't know what I'm expecting from the future just that they don't drop things as in A Tree Falls/Legacy storyline.

I really hope they don't do this, because the character development in A Tree Falls/Legacy showed so much promise.

I guess it must be difficult to develop both the case and the characters at the same time, and cram everything into 42 minutes. Still, it seems like there could be some balance between the two, so characters (and the viewers, CBS *cough*) don't get left in the lurch.

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.ficlet: Walking, Wounded - D/M 1.1

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