.art beta & more cool stuff

[aesc]

Is there anyone out there who could give me a quick second opinion on a piece of art? *shifty look* There is one part of it that is especially vexing and I'm not sure how to fix it, or even if it needs fixing. If you could comment here with your email, I can send you a draft .png file and a fuller explanation of what I can't figure out. Awesomecakes!

Now for another really cool Christmas present, this one from a friend/colleague: Arielle Eckstut and Dennis Ashton, Pride and Promiscuity: The Lost Sex Scenes of Jane Austen (New York 2001). Seriously, this is tremendously funny and yet horrifying, as I love Austen but cannot extend my imagination to the goings-on after I close her books.

[If you consider Austen involate, please go no further.]


This isn't, I should say, one of the continuations, like those of Pamela Aiden & co. The conceit is that an Austen scholar, having been importuned by a pair of New York pseudo-literati, has finally agreed to examine a collection of manuscripts claiming to be the "expurgated" passages from Austen's novels. After conducting a rigorous examination, the scholar is forced to conclude that, in fact, the manuscripts are authentic and should be admitted to the Austen canon. Or... maybe not.

An extraordinary idea, a daring, exquisite notion, had struck her. She gasped for breath. It was in this state that Charlotte unfolded the gown and held it up to her person. That the dress was far too large--Lady Catherine being several inches taller and unquestionably wider--was irrefutable....

Mr. Collins entered the drawing-room near breathless, explaining--'Lady Catherine, my most earnest apologies, I do not know how it is possible, but I did not hear--' He stopt suddenly as his eye beheld, not Lady Catherine, but his own lady standing in a manner most entirely unknown to him and yet wholly familiar; for the first time in the whole course of his life, Mr. Collins was unable to speak.

'Mr. Collins, if I am to pay you a visit, I certainly expect to be greeted at the door. If I can stroll in without anyone's notice, I can only assume the same to be the case for any unknown passer-by. This is not the sort of behaviour I expect from one in my employ, Mr. Collins. I will have you know that without question.'

Mr. Collins continued to look at his wife in awe. His mouth stood agape. At last he said tentatively, 'I will not flatter myself with your forgiveness. No, I have been very, very remiss.'

'That is putting it mildly, Mr. Collins. I am only an occasional advocate of severe punishment, yet I believe one must learn that there are consequences to one's actions.'

Words were insufficient to express the astonishment and satisfaction Mr. Collins felt at this very new sort of attention from one, in words, indistinguishable from Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

'Mr. Collins, I always speak my mind and I will not hesitate now. One such as you must learn from your mistakes the hard way. Position yourself, at once, on your hands and knees.--Any hesitation will most certainly result in a more painful consequence.' Charlotte's last words were unnecessary; Mr. Collins had thrown himself at her feet before her speech was completed.

'Are you prepared to suffer for your stupidity and inadequacy as a husband, cleric, and Englishman?' Charlotte asked with indignation.

Mr. Collins whimpered a quiet assent.

I have to admit, I howled reading this. Granted, it was with the knowledge I probably shouldn't be laughing, because asdslkjf Mr Collins, but I honestly couldn't help it.

In other news: I should probably do work at some point today, instead of wandering around aimlessly. Probably.

Or maybe I could post a photo that makes me very happy to look upon:



.eta: A pair of them! Apparently, I only go squooshy over babies I don't actually have to encounter in real life, because this sketch by _kiden is so adorable, I have no words for it.

Also, why is it my dog lies inert on the couch all morning, dead to the world, yet the second I start sweeping jumps up and manages to be in exactly the place I need to sweep?