Rodney McKay = Tracer Bullet!

[aesc]

Tonight amberlynne and I got to talking, and between Nantucket and the fact that Rodney's S5 bathtub cries out for porn, the subject of Rodney McKay, Private Eye came up.


amberlynne: there needs to be fic where john is a private eye
aesc: I think Cates and I were talking about this! except it was Rodney
aesc: and John is the slinky dame who comes in and asks for help solving a murder
amberlynne: that works too
amberlynne: john can be the dame
aesc: :> :>
amberlynne: yes
amberlynne: please
aesc: "You remember how to whistle, don't you McKay?" John asked, slinking through shadows and neon lights. "You just put your lips together..."
amberlynne: *claps gleefully*
aesc: \o/ though Rodney is not very smooth and Bogie-like... he would perhaps be a bit red and overcome
aesc: but he would look awesome in shirt sleeves and black tie
amberlynne: hee
amberlynne: maybe john is sort of broke
amberlynne: so rodney's his last hope
amberlynne: he can't let rodney know that of course
amberlynne: and it's not that rodney is bad, he's a genius like columbo, say.. but you know, not as good with people
aesc: yis yis
aesc: in his dark, hole-in-the-wall office
amberlynne: yes! and jeannie is his assistant
amberlynne: except she's going to school or something
amberlynne: and is never there
amberlynne: so he has no idea what's going on ever
aesc: which means the few people who come in just appear, which just irritates him
aesc: because he may be a genius and brilliant at detecting, but he isn't God, solving murders and thefts no one else can solve takes time
amberlynne: yes!
amberlynne: and ronon and teyla have an office next door for there....
amberlynne: something
amberlynne: and they are always coming over and making sure he isn't sleeping at his desk
aesc: or just eating bad take-out from the diner across the street
amberlynne: *nod*
amberlynne: and he lets them because of that one time that some bad guy tried to off him and they saved him
aesc: but that doesn't stop him from snapping as they come in to collect him and take him back to his apartment
amberlynne: heee. yes
aesc: and one night after he's been trying all day to look at evidence from a 10-year-old murder
aesc: he hears his office door open and he looks up, expecting to have to tell Teyla and Ronon to leave him alone
aesc: and standing there in the late evening shadows is this long, tall, messy-haired drink of water
aesc: leaning against his doorframe
amberlynne: leaning against the door frame!
amberlynne: HEE
aesc: HIVE MIND
aesc: and Rodney's "why the hell are you here?" changes to "who the hell are you?" to "ummm..."
amberlynne: heeeeeeeeeeeeeee
aesc: and then the stranger says, voice smoke-whiskey-silk, "you're Rodney McKay"
amberlynne: *shivers*
aesc: and Rodney blinks and sits up (he's been resting on his elbows, face buried in his hands, half-blind from looking at old newspapers) and he says, automatically, "Private Eye."
amberlynne: *claps* YES!
amberlynne: can john be sort of clumsy at being the dame?
amberlynne: because of how he is super goofy
aesc: heh heh, totally!
aesc: "Right, yeah," says the lean shadowy stranger, and just when Rodney's reaching for the .357 he keeps under his desk, the new guy says, "Christ, finally, I got lost twice finding this place."
amberlynne: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
aesc: :D
amberlynne: i wanna read that right noooooooooooooow
aesc: heh heh, well, I will put it in my notebook!
aesc: or I could post our convo in LJ right now and it would be almost like reading it :D
amberlynne: heee
amberlynne: we never got to the sexing!
aesc: hmmmm *considers*
amberlynne: desk sex should definitely be a possibility
aesc: well, is John supposed to be a dame/femme fatale, or just a dame with a dark, dangerous secret?
aesc: YES YES IT IS
aesc: mmmmph, Rodney pushing John down and rumpling his desk calendar
amberlynne: rodney should THINK he has a secret but he really sort of doesn't but rodney refuses to believe him
aesc: because all slinky dames have secrets :D
amberlynne: ooooooooh. yes.
amberlynne: yes!
aesc: like the one redhead who buries her dead husbands in her greenhouse
amberlynne: and john is all "no, i just really want you to solve this thing for me? why are you making it complicated?"
aesc: and Rodney tells him about the redheaded dame, who'd asked him to look for her husband's kidnapper, but it turns out she'd ground him up into rose food, and *everyone* has secrets, Sheppard--John, or else they wouldn't come to me
aesc: and John looks at him for a moment and says, "I didn't brush my teeth last night. Does that count?"
aesc: and Rodney sighs, because technically it does, but it's not a secret on the scale he's hoping for
aesc: the desk sex might come out of that... John saying that he *does* have a secret, only he shouldn't it's just that Rodney's so unobservant for a detective, which just makes Rodney pissy and grabby and he reaches for John's shirt and John rolls his eyes and says "FINALLY" and grabs Rodney's tie and pulls him in and kisses the living daylights out of him
amberlynne: rodney can be all "wait wait, ronon and teyla.."
and john's all suave "i locked the door"
aesc: then Rodney could be, like, "do you seriously think locks would stop them?" even though John's mouth, which is wet and shining and slightly open, is maddeningly distracting.


I invite you to consider the image of Rodney in rolled-up shirt sleeves with a shoulder holster, and John leaning against various objects (doorframes, Rodney's desk, at least until he actually sits on it), with perhaps a bit of mascara. You know it!

In other news: I'm back from break and feeling a lot better about the world--definitely much less stressed and ready to get back to work. Of course, the first work I did is a new really huge tutorial for PS7 and composition.

But tomorrow I read serious stuff, I swear.