.art beta & more cool stuff

[aesc]

Is there anyone out there who could give me a quick second opinion on a piece of art? *shifty look* There is one part of it that is especially vexing and I'm not sure how to fix it, or even if it needs fixing. If you could comment here with your email, I can send you a draft .png file and a fuller explanation of what I can't figure out. Awesomecakes!

Now for another really cool Christmas present, this one from a friend/colleague: Arielle Eckstut and Dennis Ashton, Pride and Promiscuity: The Lost Sex Scenes of Jane Austen (New York 2001). Seriously, this is tremendously funny and yet horrifying, as I love Austen but cannot extend my imagination to the goings-on after I close her books.

[If you consider Austen involate, please go no further.]


This isn't, I should say, one of the continuations, like those of Pamela Aiden & co. The conceit is that an Austen scholar, having been importuned by a pair of New York pseudo-literati, has finally agreed to examine a collection of manuscripts claiming to be the "expurgated" passages from Austen's novels. After conducting a rigorous examination, the scholar is forced to conclude that, in fact, the manuscripts are authentic and should be admitted to the Austen canon. Or... maybe not.

An extraordinary idea, a daring, exquisite notion, had struck her. She gasped for breath. It was in this state that Charlotte unfolded the gown and held it up to her person. That the dress was far too large--Lady Catherine being several inches taller and unquestionably wider--was irrefutable....

Mr. Collins entered the drawing-room near breathless, explaining--'Lady Catherine, my most earnest apologies, I do not know how it is possible, but I did not hear--' He stopt suddenly as his eye beheld, not Lady Catherine, but his own lady standing in a manner most entirely unknown to him and yet wholly familiar; for the first time in the whole course of his life, Mr. Collins was unable to speak.

'Mr. Collins, if I am to pay you a visit, I certainly expect to be greeted at the door. If I can stroll in without anyone's notice, I can only assume the same to be the case for any unknown passer-by. This is not the sort of behaviour I expect from one in my employ, Mr. Collins. I will have you know that without question.'

Mr. Collins continued to look at his wife in awe. His mouth stood agape. At last he said tentatively, 'I will not flatter myself with your forgiveness. No, I have been very, very remiss.'

'That is putting it mildly, Mr. Collins. I am only an occasional advocate of severe punishment, yet I believe one must learn that there are consequences to one's actions.'

Words were insufficient to express the astonishment and satisfaction Mr. Collins felt at this very new sort of attention from one, in words, indistinguishable from Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

'Mr. Collins, I always speak my mind and I will not hesitate now. One such as you must learn from your mistakes the hard way. Position yourself, at once, on your hands and knees.--Any hesitation will most certainly result in a more painful consequence.' Charlotte's last words were unnecessary; Mr. Collins had thrown himself at her feet before her speech was completed.

'Are you prepared to suffer for your stupidity and inadequacy as a husband, cleric, and Englishman?' Charlotte asked with indignation.

Mr. Collins whimpered a quiet assent.

I have to admit, I howled reading this. Granted, it was with the knowledge I probably shouldn't be laughing, because asdslkjf Mr Collins, but I honestly couldn't help it.

In other news: I should probably do work at some point today, instead of wandering around aimlessly. Probably.

Or maybe I could post a photo that makes me very happy to look upon:



.eta: A pair of them! Apparently, I only go squooshy over babies I don't actually have to encounter in real life, because this sketch by _kiden is so adorable, I have no words for it.

Also, why is it my dog lies inert on the couch all morning, dead to the world, yet the second I start sweeping jumps up and manages to be in exactly the place I need to sweep?

Comments

[smilla02.livejournal.com]

Do you have my email, right? I'd be happy to give a look to it for you.

[beadattitude.livejournal.com]

OMG, AUSTIN SPANKING FIC. Bwahahahahaha.

Also? I just want to get right up in Joe/John's neck and just lick him. ::purrs::

[aesc.livejournal.com]

AUSTIN SPANKING FIC.

There's a riding crop a little later :D :D


I just want to get right up in Joe/John's neck and just lick him.

nom nom nom, yis! And, um, that teeny bit of chest hair. Thank you, O unbuttoned collar.

[omglawdork.livejournal.com]

Oh. Em. Gee. Wow. I never thought I would see Jane Austen-based role-playing D/s fic (or spanking, or wtfever it ended up being). Mr Collins thinks his mouth was agape! I just...wow.

Also, I agree with Bead - Joe is a very, very pretty person. Especially in that picture. Yummm.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie! I'll send it right over *hugs*

[aesc.livejournal.com]

I never thought I would see Jane Austen-based role-playing D/s fic

I know, and yet. I think this proves slashers really aren't all the way out in left field because, as you said, Austen-based role-playing D/s exists. And it's published, and my eighteenth-century literature friend gave it to me for Christmas.

[summertea.livejournal.com]

oh my god i've seen that book listed on amazon. *stares at it in horror*

[beeej.livejournal.com]

I am rarely confident enough in my own artyness to beta anyone else's. *g*

I have read some Austen porn before, but none has made as much sense as that one does. ;D

And oh...that's one of my all time favorite photos of His Prettiness. *gazes adoringly*

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Heh heh... I can't tell what's wrong with it, only that it seems that there is. I stayed up pretty late working on it, though, so there's always the possibility I've gone a bit nuts from staring at my screen.

I have read some Austen porn before, but none has made as much sense as that one does.

Heh heh. I tried to read In a Company Such As This, but honestly couldn't do it--the language was too off, and I kept going "u r doin the syntax WRONG!" every paragraph or so, but here there's actually a pretty good attempt to keep to the structure of Austen's English. Or maybe knowing it's crack made the reading easier, or maybe it's that Charlotte/Mr. Collins D/s makes a freakish sort of sense at 3am, I don't know.

one of my all time favorite photos

Oh, his smile *siiigh*

[omglawdork.livejournal.com]

I KNOW. Actually, I never thought I'd see it, but I wasn't all that surprised. I think fandom has numbed my sensibilities when it comes to that stuff. God knows it's killed my sense. Get it? Sorry, bad Austen humor, couldn't help myself.

I agree, though re: us not being all that crazy, comparatively. I think we might still be at least a little crazy, though. :)

[aesc.livejournal.com]

It's like watching a Regency car wreck, except it's definitely not on the order of suck as the Beowulf movie/abomination. Also, I seriously can't help laughing, because... well, yes :D

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Actually, I never thought I'd see it, but I wasn't all that surprised.

*howl* Oh my God, that is SO TRUE. I opened it and after laughing at the title, I realized that I was not, in fact, surprised that such a thing as Austen-based quasi-porn existed. Mostly I was amused and kind of surprised that this particular person had given it to me. But that such a thing is in the world? Did not bat an eyelash :D

think we might still be at least a little crazy, though. :)

Definitely :) We're also cool.

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

HOW IS HE SO PRETTY? SERIOUSLY! SERIOUSLY! I can't. *sigh* With the stubble and the smirky smile all "I've got a secret...in my pants and the inky hair that's screaming to be tugged on. He's dangerous, is what I am sayin'.

[newkidfan.livejournal.com]

If you still need someone to look over your art, you can email me at newkidfan at gmail.com

And JF is killing my brain cells.

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

Charlotte's last words were unnecessary; Mr. Collins had thrown himself at her feet before her speech was completed.

Oh, heeeeeee! *keels over with laughter*

This is so wrong! :D

[aesc.livejournal.com]

This is so wrong! :D


And yet! :D

[aesc.livejournal.com]

HOW IS HE SO PRETTY? SERIOUSLY!

I have absolutely no clue. I have been up and down my stock collection trying to figure it out and... no clue! None at all.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Mel! I'll send it over :D

And JF is killing my brain cells.

Mine too, and I need them.

[gaffsie.livejournal.com]

I should probably be more horrified by the Charlotte/Collins BDSM than I am. Mr Collins' sex life really isn't something I like to ponder (especially since I keep seeing the Mr Collins from BBC's adaptation in my mind's eye), but it's mostly makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Because, seriously, Jane Austen-based BDSM? :D

As for that picture, yum. His smile!!!

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

The only explanation is that he is actually an alien from another planet. That I must visit RIGHT NOW!

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

Yes! And yet I totally want to read the rest! *facepalm*

I feel so dirty! I keep seeing the guy from the BBC miniseries.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

The Planet of the Joes!

*builds spaceship*

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh. *readies her spacesuit*

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Mr Collins' sex life really isn't something I like to ponder (especially since I keep seeing the Mr Collins from BBC's adaptation in my mind's eye), but it's mostly makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

I know! The BBC adaptation was the first thing that came into my mind, and it was weird enough with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle in the "expurgated" passage about Darcy and Elizabeth. Then my brain was like SUBMISSIVE MR COLLINS!!! and somehow that was funny :D

[the-oscar-cat.livejournal.com]

you know lazlet made a podfic of the wedding night!

it boggles my mind!

in other news - Joe.

(I went into border today to see if they had the SGA season 1 companion, just so i could stand there and read the forward written by Joe. <3 )

[aesc.livejournal.com]

I went into border today to see if they had the SGA season 1 companion, just so i could stand there and read the forward written by Joe

Heh heh... I have to go soon myself to look for a Christmas present for someone, and now that you've reminded me, I'm sure to be distracted :D

[mklutz]

I--ashjk;-- how is it that no book stores in my area (okay, no -major- book stores) have this? I'm going to find a copy.

Also, Joe Flanigan is very pretty.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

how is it that no book stores in my area (okay, no -major- book stores) have this?

The other fangirls got to them before you could! D:

Also, Joe Flanigan is very pretty.

Yes. Yes, he is.

[madeline871.livejournal.com]

Oh Joe!

There's a little bit of everything in that pic: the hair, the smile, the stubble, the crinkled eyes, the neck porn.... whoa - I'm babbling again.

[aesc.livejournal.com]

It is the perfect storm, I tell you!

[lilyfarfalla.livejournal.com]

*sets picture of Joe as desktop background in anticipation of soul-killing final*

[kimberweeme.livejournal.com]

Ack! Now I have this mental picture of Mr Collins, of all people, doing things I do not want to imagine! Must scrub out brain! (Too bad I can actually believe Mr Collins as that sort of person.)

I wonder what the sales are like for a book such as this?

Then there is Joe, who short-circuits my brain in other, v. good ways. I would like to kiss his stubbled chin.

Please, Santa, bring me one of those!

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Joe is a good defense against soul-killing finals! Whenever you start feeling overwhelmed, minimize all your windows and just bask :) :)

[aesc.livejournal.com]

Too bad I can actually believe Mr Collins as that sort of person

That makes it worse. If it had been, say Darcy or Mr. Kingsley, just... no. That would have been bad in a dumb way.

I wonder what the sales are like for a book such as this?

I don't know! Austen-mania is still alive and well, so possibly quite brisk :)

Please, Santa, bring me one of those!

I feel I definitely merit a Joe under my tree this year. And a David with a nice orange bow next to him :D

[darsnape-dracul.livejournal.com]

where did your friend/collegue get this book??????