aesc: (Default)
aesc ([personal profile] aesc) wrote2007-09-07 01:10 pm

.fic/commentary: "Se Narsaugir" for [personal profile] cesperanza's "Written by the Victors"

Inspired by possibly one of the greatest things I have ever read, [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's Written by the Victors, and so it goes without saying you need to read that in order to understand the context of this. For that matter, you simply need to read it, whether you come back here or not.

Having said that, I'm not sure what you would call what follows. It isn't fanfic precisely, but neither is it (I don't think) metafic. John, Rodney, Atlantis--they're all there, but read back through time, through the filters of history, language, literature, and change in something that I can only hope approaches the way that "Written by the Victors" so brilliantly evoked these things for me. So in that sense, it's a companion piece to an idea, I suppose, a hesitant exploration of the amazing world and time [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza has given to us.

Very many thanks to her for allowing me to post this, and many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon for audiencing and encouraging me to heretofore unknown boldness.

ETA: Now read out loud, very beautifully (in the original and translation) by [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon [here]

ETA2: Now not only read out loud, but sung! [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon has recorded a very lovely [madrigal-inspired version], and [livejournal.com profile] fleurrochard's beautiful [chant rendition].







Seador, Liant Universat MS A197, f. 4v

TEXT


Hnaui, eri hnauiri, et augi annim, agnoi etri telaith.

Erimendri sunas talan sircainad
camnos sero imdaith chainandri.
Alanta gelos enilenda
[. . . . . . .]
cirrenat coine amtalain
malat brene as madnein.
se carredat Narsaugir serni
til ridhros trevelenden
terion carrenovan, talenovan,
[se] [. . .] vadnat seri
afsinoi, afcarredinoi
ngualaithi et elimdendri ngemaith
vallaith eu vecilnaith--
nesainde ael natalo
fare sed sarado foerni
maernais in menos veladin,
perindri esperan et perion
Alantas en amnarsan,
et inan, valas amtalan.

anaugeit innath, ne caran apsa auruth.
[Listen, you hearers, and those with eyes, look upon me.

Stalking the city, sea-encompassed,
cruelly they come, crooked beings.
Swiftly, Atlantis, skyborne
. . . . . . .
lightning licks the towers,
breaks bright on the walls.
Sheppard (city-lord) seeks against
the wide-ravaging Wraith
power to protect, preserve
he . . . broke them,
indomitable, inexorable
and skyships shattered, sank,
fell ruined, or fled--
no vaunting victory
but dire defeat, death
in star-streaked space,
leaving peace and prosperity
to Atlantis the well-beloved,
and, for the high-towered city, hope.

I, Auruth, write what Innath saw.]



COMMENTARY

Se Narsaugir survives in the unique manuscript Seador, Liant Universat MS A179, known more commonly as the Liant Codex. It is written in standard Skani alliterative verse, with first and last words in either lines or clauses alliterating (but note the irregularities at ll. 4 and 15), and occasional end rhyme as embellishment (see Corfu 1102 for versification). The script is a remarkable example of Lantean-influenced Skani minuscule, somewhat further along in Skani's progression to Skano-Lantean than other examples, such as the Skani Wraithsaga and other early post-Schism documents (see Macara 1106 for palaeographic discussion).

Its editorial title, assigned by its first editor Kinsan Archivist (799), comes from the one proper name (other than that of the Wraith and Atlantis) which appears in the remaining text. Kinsan Archivist's philological and etymological work revealed that the name literally means "one who keeps watch over what is beloved" (narsa, "rich, precious, dear" + augir, from augen, "to watch"). Narsaugir still exists in the form Narsaui in Skani dialect, and is continuously attested throughout Skani linguistic history. According to Skani oral histories (see Zenai Archivist, C0u-8F), Narsaugir is the nearest Skani translation of Archae-Lantean pastor, glossed in Anglo-Lantean as shepherd (Corbel Glosses N67) and transliterated into Skani as Sefard. This, combined with the honorific [i]serni, "city lord," identifies the subject as John Sheppard the First, and the action of the poem as the first battle against the Wraith after the Secession.

The folio on which the poem is contained (4v) is damaged, with two lines of text effaced beyond reconstruction. Iletor Ganides has proposed readings for these lines (Ganides 1081), but these remain highly conjectural and unsatisfactory. Nonetheless, our knowledge of the events of the first battle gives us the facts of the material lost in the lacunae; the otherwise cursory Ystoria Lantica preserves a remarkably full account of the battle, in which "at the bidding of John Sheppard, many-towered Atlantis shook free of her moorings and winged skyward, pursuing the Wraith first with ydrons and then with a great pillar of light which emanated from her heart and obliterated her enemies" (YL 2.16). The poem's delineation of the battle scene, limiting itself to describing the approaching Wraith, the city in flight and soerni-Sheppard's use of the city's great weapon, and presenting the first seven lines in the present tense, is perhaps the paradigmatic example of Skani narrative economy, and only heightens its closing emphasis on what soerni-Sheppard and those with him brought to Pegasus (with Atlantis as metonym): the peace and freedom from the Wraith which even now, over a thousand years after the iredan weia lakteia, we honor and remember.

Considering the preciseness of the poem's details, the poet likely had available either an eyewitness (the otherwise unknown Innath) or a copy of oral or written testimony. At least the latter would have been accessible to her; the Ystoria mentions the "many songs" made in the first days after the Terran Schism, and all modern Pegasan histories begin their dates from that point, attesting to the significance the event had for the galaxy as a whole. The incipit, an exhortation for "you hearers" to hear the speaker can be taken as either a vestige of original oral performance (and possibly of a long history of oral tradition; see Narenus 1098) or as a self-conscious archaism--which is, as I have noted elsewhere, incongruous with the colophon's insistence that this is a poem which records in writing the testimony of a putative eyewitness (Macara 1111).

Surviving documents record Auruth as a Skani female given name; however, none of the five instances recorded appear to be the names of women associated with scribal or recording guilds (Janap Archivist, A4k-1A). Of the five, the Early Lantean Registers list two as weavers licensed to work in the Lantean marketplace, while "Inskar Auruth" appears in the marriage banns for the year 191 AS as the wife of the Lantean scientist Arin Selenk, the great-grandson of Radek Zelenka (Janap Archivist, B2i-8C; see also the Genealogia Selincidae, Janap Archivist, C8p-1W). Of the two remaining, the "Benar Auruth" on a 5 AS passenger manifest of the Porsche, a ship known to be contemporary with the first years after the Secession, is the better candidate for composing the poem (Idemon Archivist, personal communication), but nothing is known of her other than her contemporaneity with the events the poem describes. However, as I have argued elsewhere, the archaisms of the poem could well be a deliberate stylistic choice of a much later poet; a palaeographic and codicological examination suggests that Se Narsaugir was written no earlier than fifty years after the events it records, and was possibly composed at the death of John Sheppard as part of the Skaneir tribute to the great leader (Macara 1111). Its existence in manuscript, itself an archaic medium by this time (Lantean technology, including digital storage, had already begun to disseminate into Eskan by this point), further attests to deliberate archaism and the memorial significance the Skaneir accorded to "hard copy" textual forms.

That this was considered a luxury item is evident in the decoration employed in the poem's opening initial, as well as the script and decoration of the other texts gathered with it, all of which are far more lavish than many of the other items in the Liant Codex, itself an ad hoc miscellany. The gathering containing Se Narsaugir includes five other items possibly related to it: a table from the Skani Computus, reworked to begin Skani history from the Terran Schism (ff. 5r-8v); the De physica et multitudine temporis (On Physics and the Multiplicity of Time), a versification of McKayian physical principles (ff.8v-15r); a fragment of a Skani translation of the Athosian Chronicles (f. 15r); an Anglo-Lantean poem, with interlinear Skani glosses, ascribed to Iohannes Cash (f. 15v); and Pastor, redemptor noster, the earliest surviving piece of Neo-Lantean poetry known, with features that mark it as being of Skani composition (ff. 15v-16v). Raheli Amedes' still-definitive work on codices of Lantean provenance suggests that this particular gathering in the Liant Codex was originally not intended to be bound with it, but had originally been included in a much larger collection of Skaneir-copied texts, possibly intended for deposit in the Lantean archives as part of the Great Holding instituted by Teyla Emmagan shortly before her death (Amedes 1059). Further, the hand that wrote, or copied, Se Narsaugir was also likely responsible for at least the De physica and the Cash Poem, and provided the glosses to the latter as well, but cannot be attested elsewhere in the codex (Amedes 1066).

Recently, Rijin Norek (1118) has reintroduced the argument that the poet responsible for Se Narsaugir also wrote the original portions of the compilation called Apsenden filiu Caiu, "The Words of [Rodney] McKay" (Haina, Haina Universat MS 890) but work done by Macara and Rodes demonstrates that the Apsenden are clearly a much later development, and grew out of native Skani-Lantean traditions and legends surrounding Amadnir McKay (Macara and Rodes 1115). Close textual analysis by Gorin Esagni suggest that at least some of the Apsenden could be considered contemporaneous with the Maker, but "no more than twenty percent, with no guarantee these were authored by him" with the rest forming "several layers of accretion over time" (Esagni 1108). Unfortunately, we cannot trace the Se Narsaugir poet outside of the one gathering contained in the Liant Codex; even the relationship of the Skani-produced materials to the rest of the codex continues to be problematic.

It is likely, then, that Se Narsaugir, like its companions in the Liant Codex, will remain as much a source of mystery as it is of enlightenment to scholars seeking to understand the literatures and histories circulating around the Great Secession and the Terran Schism that occurred immediately thereafter. For myself, I have found in all my work with this codex that the subjects of its poems and chronicles--John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, and all those who knew them--are both present to me, and yet at the same time they recede from me, so that I must wonder at how real they seem, but yet ghostly and insubstantial, ae seri mana deleith, "as if they had never been."


Ronel Macara
Year 1120 of the Return
Liant Universat


Lux fiat pastore scienteque, et lux eorum vobis effulgeat.



* * *



Author's notes: Skani, the language of the poem, is an actual constructed language I've been working on for some time and this is its first test (or text?)-drive. (It has a more or less functional grammar, so you could actually learn it if you had an Introduction to Skani book, or the .doc file on my computer. And if the vocabulary were larger... That's still under development.) The manuscript image was done in PS7, working off stock parchment/paper images and a sort of provisional alphabet that, if you squint, looks like Greek, Sanskrit, and a few other things.

The impetus to commit this all to "manuscript" came from a conversation with [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon, in which we were flailing helplessly over "Written by the Victors" and I mentioned that my favorite part of the piece was the end, the record of change and growth and the temporality it implies--and, more than that, the feeling that there's an actual archive somewhere, that I could go to and work in and learn from. That there isn't, of course, is deeply frustrating to me :> So as compensation, Cate convinced me first into writing the alliterative piece in English, and then started wondering what manuscript culture in Pegasus would be like, and that's how the Skani text and its manuscript came into being, along with the battery of commentary following it.

My professional background is in the study of old literature and languages, and the commentary is more or less an echo of the kind of material I read for my work. Except, unfortunately, my poetry doesn't talk about John or Rodney :> But the poem, manuscript, and commentary were ways to try to touch the time [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's story lays out--this huge, wonderful futurity and a past that is, in its own way, no less wonderful or mysterious, and I just love that.

[identity profile] sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I just love this - I just love this so much; for the things it suggests about the successes of Atlantis, the flourishing of the entire Pegasus system, for our team, for the way they loved each other, for their children. I love it for the language and the poetry and the artistry and the meaning, layer by layer, you've built on top of an idea. And I love how much love you've put into this, and how much affection it betrays for John, and Rodney, and Victors, and life. It just makes my heart twist so fondly.

[identity profile] sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
And in testimony to all of fandom bleeding together - I missed Iohannes Cash the first time, and when I saw 'Cash poem' I thought it was about John's dog :)) oh god.

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[identity profile] lavvyan.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 05:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow.

Just this: wow.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
*snuffles you* Thank you >:D

[identity profile] fractalreality.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)
This is *wonderful* - it makes me want to write an essay based on the quotes [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza wrote to offer up another short alternative.

...it's been a long time since I bemoaned the lack of critical texts to use.

Your language looks, I don't know, right: it reminds me of a strange hybrid of Heiroglyphs and what we are shown to be Ancient, and yet... there's something else I can't quite place that makes it so distinctive. I wish I had your perserverance and skill for something like that!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! It's been so cool seeing how much speculation and intertextual discussion her story's generated--it's such a huge part of why I love fandom, and why I love what I do in real life.
rhianona: (Default)

[personal profile] rhianona 2007-09-07 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
This is a nice companion to [personal profile] cesperanza's story. Very nicely done!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it :D

[identity profile] emrinalexander.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:20 pm (UTC)(link)
I love this so much, because the thing I was left wondering/wanting at the end of Cesperanza's story was to know what happened down the decades after.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, this is just maybe one of the things out of limitless possibilities! Only one of a whole plurality of potential things... I love that, thinking there's so much more to be said and discovered tucked behind her story and my silly little manuscript leaf.

[identity profile] bethcarielle.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:22 pm (UTC)(link)
This, is incredible. Wonderful. Thank you.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so, so much! :)

[identity profile] iphi1.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh this takes my back to my high school days when we read and discussed ancient Greek and Latin texts. This is just so familiar and so cool! This just fits like an old pair of jeans.



[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
Old jeans are the best! I love old languages, and any chance I have to talk about them, I take it :)

[identity profile] spawrhawk.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm floored by this... Wow.

Thank you for this. This is amazing! It makes me want to ask even more questions about the history of Atlantis.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
It makes me want to ask even more questions about the history of Atlantis.

Oh, thank you so very much! And there are so many questions left to ask, which is why I love the story--all that possibility it leaves open :)
wolfshark: (Default)

[personal profile] wolfshark 2007-09-07 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
That's so cool!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
\o/ Yay! Thank you so much!

[identity profile] cesperanza.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:27 pm (UTC)(link)
*flail* I just--thank you again. I will link to this (and would also be happy to host it, with comments directed to here.) I'm so proud that anything I made inspired this. I LOVE FANDOM. I mean, I really, really love fandom, which is like "academia for me, made for me!" I had a moment re-re-re-reading this when I thought about Iohannes Cash and had to lie down for a minute.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[identity profile] sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
I recorded the poem - in the original and in translation - for [livejournal.com profile] aesc so if you refresh her post, you can find a link to the file and hear the epic poetry you inspired :D

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[identity profile] kisiti.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow!

I love this fandom.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:21 am (UTC)(link)
\o/ Yay! It's so much fun!
ext_230: a tiny green frog on a very red leaf (Default)

[identity profile] anatsuno.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:31 pm (UTC)(link)
\o/!

And Tolkien lives on, and so it comes to pass that Skani sounds like Sindar and Latin (Sindar sounds already like Latin, anyway), and Merlin's Lantean language all rolled in one, smoothed over by time. Se Narsaugir, Elessar? And Oo, Iohannes Cash, and Sefar, and augen, of course, 'to watch'. And so much writ and re-writ and archeology of language, and whatever, I'm babbling, but, what I really mean is: HAPPINESS AND GLEE.

Thank you.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
Heh heh. It really has been my secret vice for a year or so now (I started working on it last summer, in a fit of profound boredom). I wish it sounded a bit less like Sindar, but the problem with knowing the same languages Tolkien worked with is that they tend to influence a lot of your own imaginary grammar/vocabulary in similar ways.

But I have a bit of Somali, at least.

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fleurrochard: A black and white picture of a little girl playing air-guitar and singing (Default)

[personal profile] fleurrochard 2007-09-07 06:33 pm (UTC)(link)
This is so... so...
You made me tear up again.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:44 am (UTC)(link)
Aw! *hands over tissues* Thank you!

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[identity profile] gaffsie.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Very cool. It's the perfect companion piece. :)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:43 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! :D

[identity profile] adler1013.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
This is beautiful. Just really, really gorgeous, and thought-provoking, and it touches perfectly on the concept of history and things that do/don't get remembered through words and material culture . . . the sense of a continuum of some kind, poetry and tradition and habits of mind, is evoked. And that really does it for me: Although it's clear that "Se Narsaugir" comes out of your reactions (intellectual, aesthetic, empathetic) to "Written by the Victors," it stands very strongly on its own as well. And now I am going to go and stare at it some more. :)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
the sense of a continuum of some kind, poetry and tradition and habits of mind, is evoked.

Oh, yes, precisely so! That's a lot of what struck me about "Victors," and what I've been trying to get my head around for the past couple of days.
ext_2705: (Default)

[identity profile] zoniduck.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Here via [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon's rec. This is so cool! I hope it's the first of many spinoffs from "Victors", because it would be wonderful if there were a whole slew of things this awesome to come out of it.

Also? Of the two remaining, the "Benar Auruth" on a 5 AS passenger manifest of the Porsche, a ship known to be contemporary with the first years after the Secession... Hee! Porsche! Oh, John. <3 x

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I love how limitless the universe is--so full of potential, so many stories out there :)
ext_1720: two kittens with a heart between them (Default)

[identity profile] ladycat777.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes. Yes yes yes, because the whole thing, to me, about Written by the Victors is that all the earth-related history is the postmortem of their defeat, even if we don't get it at the time, because the way they go back and forth and sift, that's how losers view history, whereas winners make it into legend and apocrypha --

Except when time has taken the immediacy out and we want to go back and poke and prod at what's come before and deconstruct it for our own minds and that's what this is and it's absolutely amazing.

Also, I can't type. But I say this seriously: awesome.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)
whereas winners make it into legend and apocrypha --

Oh, yes. The contrast between the Earth and Pegasus narratives was tremendous, and there's the sense in the former that the future is foreclosed on--that all that's left is to figure out what happen, and no question of moving forward--but the latter, even in looking back (and this is probably also a function of the perspective of the reader) opens up possibility, this huge scope of tradition that develops and changes and looks forward.

And I can't express my love for that adequately at all. This bit of poem and commentary is really the closest I could come.
reginagiraffe: Stick figure of me with long wavy hair and giraffe on shirt. (Default)

[personal profile] reginagiraffe 2007-09-07 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
there's an actual archive somewhere, that I could go to and work in and learn from. That there isn't, of course, is deeply frustrating to me :>

This is how I feel every time I reach the end of [livejournal.com profile] astolat's A Beautiful Lifetime Event when there's that great Google page and nothing is clickable!! Aaarrgghhh! More! We want more! *g*

So... thanks for giving us more!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Argh! I'd managed to repress that! asfdldkfj! *goes back to reread and torment herself*

[identity profile] sociofemme.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, this is great! Like other commenters have said, the Porsche and Iohannes Cash bits were little gems of grin in a wholly astonishingly awesome piece. That it's YOUR language makes it all the cooler, somehow. This is really fabulous.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 08:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm absolutely thrilled that everyone likes it.

[identity profile] indy-go.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Brilliant. What a wonderful accompaniment, and a work of art in its own right.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)
grammarwoman: (Default)

[personal profile] grammarwoman 2007-09-07 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)
This is beautiful. This fandom is so full of amazing people.

I hope you don't mind if I flist you, because I'm in awe of your work.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
This fandom is so full of amazing people.

Oh, it is! Before this fandom, I'd never done, oh, almost all the things I've found myself doing lately--co-writing fic, making art for people, writing a poem and textual commentary on it... So strange and heady and wonderful! It's like discovering fandom all over again.

[identity profile] swanswan.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, you're gorgeous.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
*titters schoolgirlishly* Thank you!

[identity profile] burntcopper.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
oh, fabulous. All of it. But Iohannes Cash killed me.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Thank you! I absolutely love the thought of maybe someone stumbling across the liner notes to a Johnny Cash CD and thinking this sounds kind of neat, I should copy it down and do something with it.

[identity profile] merelyn.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I think my face is going to fall off I'm grinning so hard at this.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:45 pm (UTC)(link)
\o/ thank you!

[identity profile] ghostrunner7.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Iohannes Cash .

:dies laughing:

Brilliant. A perfect coda to the story.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-07 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
:D Thank you! I love the idea of these researchers in the far future trying to figure out who he is, and why someone would have written down his poetry.

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