aesc: (Default)
aesc ([personal profile] aesc) wrote2007-09-07 01:10 pm

.fic/commentary: "Se Narsaugir" for [personal profile] cesperanza's "Written by the Victors"

Inspired by possibly one of the greatest things I have ever read, [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's Written by the Victors, and so it goes without saying you need to read that in order to understand the context of this. For that matter, you simply need to read it, whether you come back here or not.

Having said that, I'm not sure what you would call what follows. It isn't fanfic precisely, but neither is it (I don't think) metafic. John, Rodney, Atlantis--they're all there, but read back through time, through the filters of history, language, literature, and change in something that I can only hope approaches the way that "Written by the Victors" so brilliantly evoked these things for me. So in that sense, it's a companion piece to an idea, I suppose, a hesitant exploration of the amazing world and time [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza has given to us.

Very many thanks to her for allowing me to post this, and many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon for audiencing and encouraging me to heretofore unknown boldness.

ETA: Now read out loud, very beautifully (in the original and translation) by [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon [here]

ETA2: Now not only read out loud, but sung! [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon has recorded a very lovely [madrigal-inspired version], and [livejournal.com profile] fleurrochard's beautiful [chant rendition].







Seador, Liant Universat MS A197, f. 4v

TEXT


Hnaui, eri hnauiri, et augi annim, agnoi etri telaith.

Erimendri sunas talan sircainad
camnos sero imdaith chainandri.
Alanta gelos enilenda
[. . . . . . .]
cirrenat coine amtalain
malat brene as madnein.
se carredat Narsaugir serni
til ridhros trevelenden
terion carrenovan, talenovan,
[se] [. . .] vadnat seri
afsinoi, afcarredinoi
ngualaithi et elimdendri ngemaith
vallaith eu vecilnaith--
nesainde ael natalo
fare sed sarado foerni
maernais in menos veladin,
perindri esperan et perion
Alantas en amnarsan,
et inan, valas amtalan.

anaugeit innath, ne caran apsa auruth.
[Listen, you hearers, and those with eyes, look upon me.

Stalking the city, sea-encompassed,
cruelly they come, crooked beings.
Swiftly, Atlantis, skyborne
. . . . . . .
lightning licks the towers,
breaks bright on the walls.
Sheppard (city-lord) seeks against
the wide-ravaging Wraith
power to protect, preserve
he . . . broke them,
indomitable, inexorable
and skyships shattered, sank,
fell ruined, or fled--
no vaunting victory
but dire defeat, death
in star-streaked space,
leaving peace and prosperity
to Atlantis the well-beloved,
and, for the high-towered city, hope.

I, Auruth, write what Innath saw.]



COMMENTARY

Se Narsaugir survives in the unique manuscript Seador, Liant Universat MS A179, known more commonly as the Liant Codex. It is written in standard Skani alliterative verse, with first and last words in either lines or clauses alliterating (but note the irregularities at ll. 4 and 15), and occasional end rhyme as embellishment (see Corfu 1102 for versification). The script is a remarkable example of Lantean-influenced Skani minuscule, somewhat further along in Skani's progression to Skano-Lantean than other examples, such as the Skani Wraithsaga and other early post-Schism documents (see Macara 1106 for palaeographic discussion).

Its editorial title, assigned by its first editor Kinsan Archivist (799), comes from the one proper name (other than that of the Wraith and Atlantis) which appears in the remaining text. Kinsan Archivist's philological and etymological work revealed that the name literally means "one who keeps watch over what is beloved" (narsa, "rich, precious, dear" + augir, from augen, "to watch"). Narsaugir still exists in the form Narsaui in Skani dialect, and is continuously attested throughout Skani linguistic history. According to Skani oral histories (see Zenai Archivist, C0u-8F), Narsaugir is the nearest Skani translation of Archae-Lantean pastor, glossed in Anglo-Lantean as shepherd (Corbel Glosses N67) and transliterated into Skani as Sefard. This, combined with the honorific [i]serni, "city lord," identifies the subject as John Sheppard the First, and the action of the poem as the first battle against the Wraith after the Secession.

The folio on which the poem is contained (4v) is damaged, with two lines of text effaced beyond reconstruction. Iletor Ganides has proposed readings for these lines (Ganides 1081), but these remain highly conjectural and unsatisfactory. Nonetheless, our knowledge of the events of the first battle gives us the facts of the material lost in the lacunae; the otherwise cursory Ystoria Lantica preserves a remarkably full account of the battle, in which "at the bidding of John Sheppard, many-towered Atlantis shook free of her moorings and winged skyward, pursuing the Wraith first with ydrons and then with a great pillar of light which emanated from her heart and obliterated her enemies" (YL 2.16). The poem's delineation of the battle scene, limiting itself to describing the approaching Wraith, the city in flight and soerni-Sheppard's use of the city's great weapon, and presenting the first seven lines in the present tense, is perhaps the paradigmatic example of Skani narrative economy, and only heightens its closing emphasis on what soerni-Sheppard and those with him brought to Pegasus (with Atlantis as metonym): the peace and freedom from the Wraith which even now, over a thousand years after the iredan weia lakteia, we honor and remember.

Considering the preciseness of the poem's details, the poet likely had available either an eyewitness (the otherwise unknown Innath) or a copy of oral or written testimony. At least the latter would have been accessible to her; the Ystoria mentions the "many songs" made in the first days after the Terran Schism, and all modern Pegasan histories begin their dates from that point, attesting to the significance the event had for the galaxy as a whole. The incipit, an exhortation for "you hearers" to hear the speaker can be taken as either a vestige of original oral performance (and possibly of a long history of oral tradition; see Narenus 1098) or as a self-conscious archaism--which is, as I have noted elsewhere, incongruous with the colophon's insistence that this is a poem which records in writing the testimony of a putative eyewitness (Macara 1111).

Surviving documents record Auruth as a Skani female given name; however, none of the five instances recorded appear to be the names of women associated with scribal or recording guilds (Janap Archivist, A4k-1A). Of the five, the Early Lantean Registers list two as weavers licensed to work in the Lantean marketplace, while "Inskar Auruth" appears in the marriage banns for the year 191 AS as the wife of the Lantean scientist Arin Selenk, the great-grandson of Radek Zelenka (Janap Archivist, B2i-8C; see also the Genealogia Selincidae, Janap Archivist, C8p-1W). Of the two remaining, the "Benar Auruth" on a 5 AS passenger manifest of the Porsche, a ship known to be contemporary with the first years after the Secession, is the better candidate for composing the poem (Idemon Archivist, personal communication), but nothing is known of her other than her contemporaneity with the events the poem describes. However, as I have argued elsewhere, the archaisms of the poem could well be a deliberate stylistic choice of a much later poet; a palaeographic and codicological examination suggests that Se Narsaugir was written no earlier than fifty years after the events it records, and was possibly composed at the death of John Sheppard as part of the Skaneir tribute to the great leader (Macara 1111). Its existence in manuscript, itself an archaic medium by this time (Lantean technology, including digital storage, had already begun to disseminate into Eskan by this point), further attests to deliberate archaism and the memorial significance the Skaneir accorded to "hard copy" textual forms.

That this was considered a luxury item is evident in the decoration employed in the poem's opening initial, as well as the script and decoration of the other texts gathered with it, all of which are far more lavish than many of the other items in the Liant Codex, itself an ad hoc miscellany. The gathering containing Se Narsaugir includes five other items possibly related to it: a table from the Skani Computus, reworked to begin Skani history from the Terran Schism (ff. 5r-8v); the De physica et multitudine temporis (On Physics and the Multiplicity of Time), a versification of McKayian physical principles (ff.8v-15r); a fragment of a Skani translation of the Athosian Chronicles (f. 15r); an Anglo-Lantean poem, with interlinear Skani glosses, ascribed to Iohannes Cash (f. 15v); and Pastor, redemptor noster, the earliest surviving piece of Neo-Lantean poetry known, with features that mark it as being of Skani composition (ff. 15v-16v). Raheli Amedes' still-definitive work on codices of Lantean provenance suggests that this particular gathering in the Liant Codex was originally not intended to be bound with it, but had originally been included in a much larger collection of Skaneir-copied texts, possibly intended for deposit in the Lantean archives as part of the Great Holding instituted by Teyla Emmagan shortly before her death (Amedes 1059). Further, the hand that wrote, or copied, Se Narsaugir was also likely responsible for at least the De physica and the Cash Poem, and provided the glosses to the latter as well, but cannot be attested elsewhere in the codex (Amedes 1066).

Recently, Rijin Norek (1118) has reintroduced the argument that the poet responsible for Se Narsaugir also wrote the original portions of the compilation called Apsenden filiu Caiu, "The Words of [Rodney] McKay" (Haina, Haina Universat MS 890) but work done by Macara and Rodes demonstrates that the Apsenden are clearly a much later development, and grew out of native Skani-Lantean traditions and legends surrounding Amadnir McKay (Macara and Rodes 1115). Close textual analysis by Gorin Esagni suggest that at least some of the Apsenden could be considered contemporaneous with the Maker, but "no more than twenty percent, with no guarantee these were authored by him" with the rest forming "several layers of accretion over time" (Esagni 1108). Unfortunately, we cannot trace the Se Narsaugir poet outside of the one gathering contained in the Liant Codex; even the relationship of the Skani-produced materials to the rest of the codex continues to be problematic.

It is likely, then, that Se Narsaugir, like its companions in the Liant Codex, will remain as much a source of mystery as it is of enlightenment to scholars seeking to understand the literatures and histories circulating around the Great Secession and the Terran Schism that occurred immediately thereafter. For myself, I have found in all my work with this codex that the subjects of its poems and chronicles--John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, and all those who knew them--are both present to me, and yet at the same time they recede from me, so that I must wonder at how real they seem, but yet ghostly and insubstantial, ae seri mana deleith, "as if they had never been."


Ronel Macara
Year 1120 of the Return
Liant Universat


Lux fiat pastore scienteque, et lux eorum vobis effulgeat.



* * *



Author's notes: Skani, the language of the poem, is an actual constructed language I've been working on for some time and this is its first test (or text?)-drive. (It has a more or less functional grammar, so you could actually learn it if you had an Introduction to Skani book, or the .doc file on my computer. And if the vocabulary were larger... That's still under development.) The manuscript image was done in PS7, working off stock parchment/paper images and a sort of provisional alphabet that, if you squint, looks like Greek, Sanskrit, and a few other things.

The impetus to commit this all to "manuscript" came from a conversation with [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon, in which we were flailing helplessly over "Written by the Victors" and I mentioned that my favorite part of the piece was the end, the record of change and growth and the temporality it implies--and, more than that, the feeling that there's an actual archive somewhere, that I could go to and work in and learn from. That there isn't, of course, is deeply frustrating to me :> So as compensation, Cate convinced me first into writing the alliterative piece in English, and then started wondering what manuscript culture in Pegasus would be like, and that's how the Skani text and its manuscript came into being, along with the battery of commentary following it.

My professional background is in the study of old literature and languages, and the commentary is more or less an echo of the kind of material I read for my work. Except, unfortunately, my poetry doesn't talk about John or Rodney :> But the poem, manuscript, and commentary were ways to try to touch the time [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza's story lays out--this huge, wonderful futurity and a past that is, in its own way, no less wonderful or mysterious, and I just love that.

[identity profile] nehellania.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh this is awesome! It's so amazing, it makes me want to go read the story again, right now. So many talented people in fandom! *applauds you*

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
*snarfles you!* \o/

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
*pokes you!* Yay! Glad you like it!

(And because you were asking some time ago, this really is what I look at all day--just minus Rodney and John.)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:37 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you!! I too love the idea of scholars centuries from now trying to figure out who this "Iohannes Cash" is, and maybe one of them finally getting lucky and stumbling across a register of music played in Atlantis, or maybe an audio recording, and realizing that this "Johnny Cash" is the author of that poem and was apparently a famous bard, and one honored by John Sheppard of Atlantis
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<:>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Thank you!! I too love the idea of scholars centuries from now trying to figure out who this "Iohannes Cash" is, and maybe one of them finally getting lucky and stumbling across a register of music played in Atlantis, or maybe an audio recording, and realizing that this "Johnny Cash" is the author of that poem and was apparently a famous bard, and one honored by John Sheppard of Atlantis <:

I laugh, of course, with the knowledge that not many years from now scholars will be looking back on what <I>I</i> write and laugh their asses off.

Silly early twenty-first century people.

(Anonymous) 2007-09-08 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
Oh this is great and a fitting tribute to cesperanza's story and the glimpses of that future... I do hope that your shining example will inspire others to use this playground while using their own interests/knowledge: this ombination makes such stories so much more fascinating!

[identity profile] loreleif.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 03:49 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! This is really lovely. And wow, I love your language geekery! I adore constructed languages, and that plus the document...very nice.




...but which Johnny Cash song was it?

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:04 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I love language geekery too, and love it when other people love it!

and as for which Johnny Cash song... I don't know! [livejournal.com profile] sheafrotherdon has suggested "Folsom Prison",though!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
\o/ Thank you!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so, so much!

I feel so intensely after reading this

That was how I was after finishing "Written"--everything was so real and immediate I couldn't do anything other than sit in my chair and be for a while.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! It was a lot of fun to do, especially thinking about what sort of people make up Pegasus, and how they see our characters, and all the time that goes into the story... Oh, it still makes me giddy to think about!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much! :D And you should definitely go re-read!

[identity profile] cat-latin.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
I found the Language Construction Kit, but I just needed to say I had a little giggle, because when I click on your link it comes up as Shallott's A Beautiful Lifetime Event.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
*blush!* Still very good, though not as helpful.

Someone earlier commented about the Google page at the end of "A Beautiful Lifetime Event," and I was like "Oh, I haven't read that in a while" and went over :> I think I had multiple tabs open in my window or something.

*flails a bit*

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
Yay for fandom! This has been possibly the most creative fandom I've ever been in, or at least the one where I've felt able to do all sorts of stuff, like this :)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
I love this fandom. Seriously do.

So do I, so so much! I haven't been able to do this sort of thing since LotR, when I wrote all the riddle stuff--but it never occurred to me to write a piece of source criticism for anything :> And "source criticism" and "SGA" are things you usually don't think go to gether :)

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you so SO much!

B/c fandom is not just analyzing the source text...that's one part, often an afterthought or by-product.

Oh, exactly! I think that's part of why "Written" appealed so much to me (that and I love--love--open-ended stories that reach out into history and time, stories that exist, even if they're never told). Source analysis as "by-product" is maybe the best way I've seen it put, at least for what I love about fandom/fanfic and what I love about what I do--that, though it's a process itself, it comes about as a result of something else, like my fascination with John and Rodney, or old, obscure poetry, or anything else.

and commentary on unknowability

My speciality is in a field where you pretty much have to reconcile yourself to having lost an appreciable part of the source/documentary record, and that's where a lot of the commentary came from--I responded so strongly to the gaps in the record of Ces's story, it was like being back at the beginning of my work, and being amazed at everything.

[identity profile] lilyfarfalla.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
Oh my god, oh my GOD. This is just...so...

I was halfway through the commentary and crying, I had to stop and collect myself so I could keep reading.

You do so well invoke the kind of commentary that ancient texts receive, and that....that just....your poem, and John, and Rodney, and cesperanza's story--it places them in history and mythology.

I mean, that is what Written by the Victors does, that's the incomprehensible beauty of it. And now there are layers on those histories and poems and stories, layers upon layers of thought and art, far into the future....it just makes me so incredibly happy, this world of scholars, reaching back into texts and glimpsing moments of these "ghostly and insubstantial" figures...

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you thank you! *kermits about*

"Sheppard" as a homonym for "shepherd,"

People have always joked about the Sheppard/shepherd homophony, and I'd actually toyed elsewhere with pastor as the Latin rendering of John's name. And in "Written," with the slow gathering of Pegasus into Atlantis, he really is somewhat shepherd-like, determined to keep them safe. Which raises very odd questions for potential future theologies as histories are reworked and time intervenes, and I wanted to hint at that a bit here.

To imagine that scholar, so many generations beyond the characters we know and love,

\o/ I think, even more than the poem and making the MS, which were a lot of fun, I liked the last paragraph the best, because it's the closest I've come to explaining how the close of "Written" affected me, how that scholar is really kind of me trying to work out these things, to imagine people that are at once familiar and close, like old friends, but also inexplicably distant.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 05:50 am (UTC)(link)
John (and I) would be tickled at Johnny Cash

Time may change many things, but it can't change the Man in Black :>

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 05:54 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! A lot of my RL work is with alliterative poetry, so it's the easiest for me to write, because I have some kind of reference. That, and rhyme seemed forced (though there's a bit of it) and metrics were out of the question, because I'm terrible at them. I can barely even scan lines :>

[identity profile] sonadorita.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, this is fascinating. You know, I love languages, I invented about half a dozen myself (taking a leaf out of Tolkien's book) and this piece up there is like heaven for me. It's genious -- the artwork is stunning, and wow, the language, so so beautiful... Thank you so much for making and sharing this!

*puts in memories*

[identity profile] sleepwalkerfish.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 11:20 am (UTC)(link)
It's very cool that you extended the tale - amazing. *dazed* Beautiful artwork, too, as always.
ext_24067: (Default)

[identity profile] wihluta.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:33 pm (UTC)(link)
OH WOW!
This is fantastic!
I've been thinking of composing a Beowulf-style poem about the Rise and Uprising of Atlantis based on 'Written by the Victors', but you kinda beat me to it. :-)
I love how the manuscript seems so really old. And I have to say it makes a wonderful addition to cesperanza's story. And the commentary - I had to grin while reading it, it's so much like the Beowulf research. (And I just spend weeks pouring over it...)
This whole thing feels so real to me, I can't even say how much I love it!

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-09-08 12:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay conlanging! This is the first time anyone other than me has seen or heard it, and I'm so happy people like it :)

Page 5 of 9