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.panda bear fic. yes.
This has been a stupid week for a lot of people for a lot of reasons: floods, drought, disease, overwork, bureaucracy, or even the hell that is other people... Our stupid week, let us show you it! Fortunately for me, today was a pretty good day, so I feel like I should give something back to everyone who's cheered me up over Monday and Tuesday, and really, there's no better way to do that than with panda bear fic and cowlick wordles.
Yeah, you read that right.
.Becomingly Fuzzy (John/Rodney) very, very G
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amberlynne, grammarwoman, and unamaga have all conspired in this, one way or another!
"Maybe it's time we just send him to San Diego," Zoo Director Woolsey said. "They have a specialist there, a psychologist. Maybe she could help." He sighed. "That's the third one so far."
"Shall I put Katie somewhere else then?" Teal'c asked.
"Please," Woolsey sighed. At least the camera in Rodney's enclosure had been broken for some time; he hated being reminded of failures.
* * *
Rodney watches from behind his screen of bamboo as the humans come to take Katie away. It's about time anyway; Katie's very sweet, and her fur is nice and she hasn't tried to steal his bamboo (bamboo is important), but she also follows him around all the time and has the most obnoxious habit of going on and on about all the different plants in his habitat. And apparently telling her that it was obnoxious, going on and on about all the different plants in one's habitat was not a good thing to do, because the next time he'd set one foot in her direction, she'd smacked at him and trundled off.
The good news was that the humans had finally stopped spying on him (either that or they had gotten more cunning; Rodney had figured out what those small devices in the corner of his sleeping enclosure were, and had also discerned how to take them apart), except for the crowds of them that came during the day to gawk at him while he slept, ate, and tried to avoid being stared at. The crowds had stopped for a while too, when they had put Katie in with him, but now he suspects that they're going to come back.
In fact, Katie's the third giant panda they'd brought to him for... for some reason. There is a reason, he's sure, although Rodney, who is extremely intelligent for a panda, hasn't figured it out yet. The other two had been Elizabeth and Teyla, who were also both smart and quite lovely, with pretty ebony and ivory fur and a refinement Rodney admired even though it made him uneasy. Elizabeth had spent part of her life in San Diego and could understand English and Mandarin as well as panda, and Teyla had been a good friend, who sat around with him and "meditated" while Rodney napped. He wouldn't have minded either one of them staying, but the humans had come both times and taken Elizabeth and Teyla away, and left Rodney alone again.
Humans, Rodney decides, are idiots. He rolls to his feet and shuffles under his small shelter, self-made in an afternoon of piling palm fronds and ferns over the frame of his wooden playset, a relic from his cub days he grudgingly admits to liking. In a rare fit of insight, the humans haven't taken it away. It keeps out most of the sun--Rodney's found he has sensitive skin, to which the humans seem to be oblivious--and most of the prying eyes and the flashy recording things the humans point at him all the time. Cameras, Elizabeth had called them.
He curls up around a small stick of bamboo and tells himself he isn't lonely, he's merely bored. Not that a panda's life should be exciting anyway (in Rodney's opinion, the less excitement the better), but it had been nice having Elizabeth and Teyla around so he could have someone to explain his theories to.
Rodney has a lot of theories. Some of them have to do with the devices in his enclosure, the ones he thinks are like Elizabeth's cameras. Others have to do with the stars and the sun, and the humans' compulsion to pay money to come look at animals sitting around all day.
Sighing and hoping that the humans find someone better than Katie to put in his cell with him, Rodney gnaws on his bamboo until he falls asleep.
He wakes up to an impertinent something nudging his side and a low, rumbling, drawling growl. Rodney answers with a growl of his own and waves a menacing paw at the intrusion.
"Move over," says the drawly, growly annoyance.
"Who are you?" Rodney asks. He does not move over; it's his shelter.
"John." 'John' nudges him again, still annoying and even more forceful. "Come on, move over."
"Absolutely not." Pffft, John, Rodney thinks. He strategically repositions himself so he takes up as much space as possible, and only then does he open one eye to get a better look at John, John who is a giant panda with very black eyes and black ears with odd, unpanda-like tufts. He is, Rodney admits grudgingly, becomingly fuzzy.
He's also annoying.
He's also heavy, because before Rodney knows it, John has flopped down half on top of him. As one might expect from a giant panda, John is heavy and warm and soft, with one paw on Rodney's shoulder.
"Hey, is that bamboo?" John asks.
"No, it isn't," Rodney tells him, and curls up protectively.
"C'mon, Rodney," John wheedles. He's very forward for a stranger, a panda he's not known for more than two minutes. "They knocked me out earlier and dumped me in here and I haven't eaten all day."
"No," Rodney says again, but he has to hesitate. Not having eaten all day? He tries hard to comprehend that and can't, and maybe if he gives John some bamboo John would move a little, or at least shift so he isn't crushing Rodney and breathing in Rodney's ear.
"Oh, fine," he sighs, and gives John a sliver--a very tiny sliver--of bamboo and tries not to be pleased at John rolling up against him and grrring happily.
* * *
"What was that, Dr. Beckett? You... oh, mistaken identity? You thought... no, no, I know, one panda looks much like the other." Woolsey sighed; he really should not have agreed to direct the zoo. Certainly, he shouldn't have agreed after the previous director and his rather attractive young assistant had left the zoo after someone had hacked the pandacam in Rodney's winter home and rerouted it to the director's office while the director and his assistant had been engaged in some rather unorthodox office activities.
The thing was, there had been no evidence of outside tampering. Woolsey's first act as deputy director had been to turn off the camera.
Dr. Beckett was still saying something, anxious noises about having accidentally delivered John the panda instead of Samantha.
"No, that's fine, Dr. Beckett; we'll keep him," Woolsey said. He looked at the screen that relayed the feed from the one functioning security camera in Rodney and John's habitat. "They really get along quite well together. Yes, Dr. Beckett, I assure you, no lawsuits. Good bye."
* * *
"And then," Rodney says complacently, through a mouthful of bamboo, "I simply switched the wires."
John, becomingly fuzzy and sunning himself next to Rodney on the roof of their shelter, laughs.
-end-
.Sproing!
Last year, I posted SPROING! as a rather ridiculous tribute to the joint awesomeness of Joe Flanigan's hair and intoxicated Rodney. And now, the WORDLE! As you may guess, SPROING! is featured prominently :>
*HUGS YOU ALL DAMMIT*
Yeah, you read that right.
.Becomingly Fuzzy (John/Rodney) very, very G
amberlynne, grammarwoman, and unamaga have all conspired in this, one way or another!"Maybe it's time we just send him to San Diego," Zoo Director Woolsey said. "They have a specialist there, a psychologist. Maybe she could help." He sighed. "That's the third one so far."
"Shall I put Katie somewhere else then?" Teal'c asked.
"Please," Woolsey sighed. At least the camera in Rodney's enclosure had been broken for some time; he hated being reminded of failures.
Rodney watches from behind his screen of bamboo as the humans come to take Katie away. It's about time anyway; Katie's very sweet, and her fur is nice and she hasn't tried to steal his bamboo (bamboo is important), but she also follows him around all the time and has the most obnoxious habit of going on and on about all the different plants in his habitat. And apparently telling her that it was obnoxious, going on and on about all the different plants in one's habitat was not a good thing to do, because the next time he'd set one foot in her direction, she'd smacked at him and trundled off.
The good news was that the humans had finally stopped spying on him (either that or they had gotten more cunning; Rodney had figured out what those small devices in the corner of his sleeping enclosure were, and had also discerned how to take them apart), except for the crowds of them that came during the day to gawk at him while he slept, ate, and tried to avoid being stared at. The crowds had stopped for a while too, when they had put Katie in with him, but now he suspects that they're going to come back.
In fact, Katie's the third giant panda they'd brought to him for... for some reason. There is a reason, he's sure, although Rodney, who is extremely intelligent for a panda, hasn't figured it out yet. The other two had been Elizabeth and Teyla, who were also both smart and quite lovely, with pretty ebony and ivory fur and a refinement Rodney admired even though it made him uneasy. Elizabeth had spent part of her life in San Diego and could understand English and Mandarin as well as panda, and Teyla had been a good friend, who sat around with him and "meditated" while Rodney napped. He wouldn't have minded either one of them staying, but the humans had come both times and taken Elizabeth and Teyla away, and left Rodney alone again.
Humans, Rodney decides, are idiots. He rolls to his feet and shuffles under his small shelter, self-made in an afternoon of piling palm fronds and ferns over the frame of his wooden playset, a relic from his cub days he grudgingly admits to liking. In a rare fit of insight, the humans haven't taken it away. It keeps out most of the sun--Rodney's found he has sensitive skin, to which the humans seem to be oblivious--and most of the prying eyes and the flashy recording things the humans point at him all the time. Cameras, Elizabeth had called them.
He curls up around a small stick of bamboo and tells himself he isn't lonely, he's merely bored. Not that a panda's life should be exciting anyway (in Rodney's opinion, the less excitement the better), but it had been nice having Elizabeth and Teyla around so he could have someone to explain his theories to.
Rodney has a lot of theories. Some of them have to do with the devices in his enclosure, the ones he thinks are like Elizabeth's cameras. Others have to do with the stars and the sun, and the humans' compulsion to pay money to come look at animals sitting around all day.
Sighing and hoping that the humans find someone better than Katie to put in his cell with him, Rodney gnaws on his bamboo until he falls asleep.
He wakes up to an impertinent something nudging his side and a low, rumbling, drawling growl. Rodney answers with a growl of his own and waves a menacing paw at the intrusion.
"Move over," says the drawly, growly annoyance.
"Who are you?" Rodney asks. He does not move over; it's his shelter.
"John." 'John' nudges him again, still annoying and even more forceful. "Come on, move over."
"Absolutely not." Pffft, John, Rodney thinks. He strategically repositions himself so he takes up as much space as possible, and only then does he open one eye to get a better look at John, John who is a giant panda with very black eyes and black ears with odd, unpanda-like tufts. He is, Rodney admits grudgingly, becomingly fuzzy.
He's also annoying.
He's also heavy, because before Rodney knows it, John has flopped down half on top of him. As one might expect from a giant panda, John is heavy and warm and soft, with one paw on Rodney's shoulder.
"Hey, is that bamboo?" John asks.
"No, it isn't," Rodney tells him, and curls up protectively.
"C'mon, Rodney," John wheedles. He's very forward for a stranger, a panda he's not known for more than two minutes. "They knocked me out earlier and dumped me in here and I haven't eaten all day."
"No," Rodney says again, but he has to hesitate. Not having eaten all day? He tries hard to comprehend that and can't, and maybe if he gives John some bamboo John would move a little, or at least shift so he isn't crushing Rodney and breathing in Rodney's ear.
"Oh, fine," he sighs, and gives John a sliver--a very tiny sliver--of bamboo and tries not to be pleased at John rolling up against him and grrring happily.
"What was that, Dr. Beckett? You... oh, mistaken identity? You thought... no, no, I know, one panda looks much like the other." Woolsey sighed; he really should not have agreed to direct the zoo. Certainly, he shouldn't have agreed after the previous director and his rather attractive young assistant had left the zoo after someone had hacked the pandacam in Rodney's winter home and rerouted it to the director's office while the director and his assistant had been engaged in some rather unorthodox office activities.
The thing was, there had been no evidence of outside tampering. Woolsey's first act as deputy director had been to turn off the camera.
Dr. Beckett was still saying something, anxious noises about having accidentally delivered John the panda instead of Samantha.
"No, that's fine, Dr. Beckett; we'll keep him," Woolsey said. He looked at the screen that relayed the feed from the one functioning security camera in Rodney and John's habitat. "They really get along quite well together. Yes, Dr. Beckett, I assure you, no lawsuits. Good bye."
"And then," Rodney says complacently, through a mouthful of bamboo, "I simply switched the wires."
John, becomingly fuzzy and sunning himself next to Rodney on the roof of their shelter, laughs.
-end-
.Sproing!
Last year, I posted SPROING! as a rather ridiculous tribute to the joint awesomeness of Joe Flanigan's hair and intoxicated Rodney. And now, the WORDLE! As you may guess, SPROING! is featured prominently :>
*HUGS YOU ALL DAMMIT*
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