aesc: (yes and yes)
aesc ([personal profile] aesc) wrote2007-10-24 09:33 am

hurrah! and something of a question/observation

Firstly, hurray hurray hurray, we'll have Season 5 of SGA!

You will, of course, notice my clever rhyme scheme.

Secondly, this is something I've always kind of wondered about, at least in terms of my reaction to it.


I've always had kind of a weird response to reading a story/fic in which someone (whether male or female) thinks about the person with whom they're having sex (whether male or female) as his/her lover, especially just before/during/after sex.

There are some people I know who object to the term, especially in slashfic, because it could be taken to imply that the relationship is purely sexual, and possibly illicit. (They understand "lover" as implying, I guess, an illegitimacy in the relationship, similar to the sense of, say, a lover in adultery.) I don't have any moral/semantic objections to it as such, but I've always found its use tremendously disconcerting to read.

I mean, say you're reading something set very decidedly in a particular character's perspective (say, John). And you get to the sexy time and are reading along, porn porn porn, and then you get something like:
John collapsed at Rodney's side, breathing hard, mind blank and reeling and amazed. He looked over at his lover, who was staring at the ceiling, looking as shattered and stunned as John felt.

Admittedly, it's hard to get the gist from such scant context, but "lover" just throws me right out of the moment. I mean, it's supposed to do the exact opposite--reaffirm a relationship the reader is, to some extent, already invested in--but I just find it incredibly jarring. Like, you're writing the characters into a deeply, deeply intimate moment, and to have one of them think of the other in terms of something that approaches abstraction... it's kind of jarring.

For me, at least with John and Rodney, it approaches John calling Rodney "his scientist" (*tries to imagine John calling Rodney that in bed*). Why bother with labels at all? It seems like in that kind of situation the name, the intimate and singular label, is more appropriate.

So does anyone else find it kind of weird/disconcerting/not-quite-right, or am I a bit nuts? I'm not sure why this is bothering me now, or why I'm thinking about it, but there you go.

Oh, wait, yes I am. [livejournal.com profile] weepingcock, which I started looking at because [livejournal.com profile] geeklite linked to it and I am one of those people who watches shows about surgery and medicine on the Discovery Channel because I enjoy being grossed out a bit too much.*


* so long as I can change the channel or click the back button. While I'm at it, I should tell you a lot of this stuff is not for the faint of heart or stomach, as you should expect from a comm named "weepingcock."

In other news: asdlkjf reading today, hiss.

[identity profile] amberlynne.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:01 pm (UTC)(link)
I was just starting to like you and then you linked me to that community and...excuse me, I have to go cry. A lot. And maybe find a wire brush and some bleach TO SCRUB OUT MY BRAIN!

Um. To answer your question, yes, coming across that kind of language in fic is jarring to me. I think a lot of people use it, especially in slash, to get around the whole confusing pronoun thing and/or repetitive use of names that some authors have a hard time avoiding.

[identity profile] sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, yes, yes! I always get jarred out of things too. I think perhaps it's because I have never, ever heard the word 'lover' used in a serious context. It's always Austin Powers-like - helloooo lovah! And so I always feel weird.

[identity profile] fractalreality.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:10 pm (UTC)(link)
I have never, ever heard the word 'lover' used in a serious context. It's always Austin Powers-like - helloooo lovah!

That is *exactly* the same problem I have too; everytime I see it I crack up. Not only that, it just seems the wrong word to use, but I can never think of an alternative to suggest.

[identity profile] tropes.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)
hahahahahahah oh God. All I can think of when I read that word is the SNL skit with Rachel Dratch and wossname, Anchorman guy, where they're playing oversexed professors who talk about being LOVAHS all the time. =))

[identity profile] lilyfarfalla.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I just always assumed that I found it jarring because it seemed rather out of character for John or Rodney to use the word at all, but I think sheafrtherdon is on to something too -- is that a word that makes sense in our lexicon today? I vote: no. (Then again, I'm not sure if I would like it in some historical AU either....)
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[identity profile] tty63.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay renewal!! :) My morning just got a lot better.

I completely agree with your assessment of the use of lover. It always drags me out of a story. It's like referring to John as a soldier; I just find it weird.
grammarwoman: (Default)

[personal profile] grammarwoman 2007-10-24 02:39 pm (UTC)(link)
SGA was renewed? *EEEEEEEE* (I think I almost sprained my wrist from flapping and jumping around like the spastic fangirl I am.) Thank you for passing that along!

..."lover" just throws me right out of the moment.

Yes. Exactly. I can't put my finger on why, precisely -- maybe it's because it seems completely out of character for whomever's internal narrator we're listening in on. This is especially true in the case of John or Rodney, who's trope overwhelmingly seems to be "What the hell are we doing?", even when they're established partners.

That, or it just seems like archaic Harlequin romance language. I see "lover", and I'm bracing for impact with "his throbbing member" or "his pulsing manhood".
semielliptical: woman in casual pose, wearing jeans (Default)

[personal profile] semielliptical 2007-10-24 02:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I have winced every time I have read the word lover, in any piece of fan fiction. Unless it was meant to be humorous, or was used by Gilderoy Lockhart or someone like that.
ext_1720: two kittens with a heart between them (Default)

[identity profile] ladycat777.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)
It can be very jarring, particularly for John and Rodney who I think would have a difficult time with 'partner' or 'boyfriend' let alone something as intimate -- or potentially insinuating -- as 'lover'.

But I also think that it depends on cultural aspects. Using 'lover' doesn't bother most of the people I know who grew up in Britian, and some even use it as a pet name, similar to 'love' -- although 'love' is used for more indiscriminately :)

But yeah, for a man who grew up in the US or even Canada (which, yes, is more British, but not that much more, Hewlett's personal history aside) I don't think lover is something either of them is going to even think. And say? No way; that's just completely out of character and yeah, very very jarring.
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[identity profile] kimberlyfdr.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)
I actually had the lover discussion at a con panel I was running. I bought it up as "okay, I'm confused, do people really refer to their partners like this?" and the majority said no. It throws me out to hear the reference for some reason.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)
excuse me, I have to go cry. A lot. And maybe find a wire brush and some bleach TO SCRUB OUT MY BRAIN!

I told you it was dangerous! No way you're pinning this on me :D

But before you bleach and brush, check out the one with the snake. It's unmitigatedly terrible, but the diagrams are AWESOME.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:46 pm (UTC)(link)
It's always Austin Powers-like - helloooo lovah!

You know, John would totally be Austin and Rodney would be Vanessa Kensington.

Just sayin'.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:47 pm (UTC)(link)
where they're playing oversexed professors who talk about being LOVAHS all the time.

*snort* I'd forgotten about that :D

Oh, the mental images are becoming a bit ridiculous now...

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:48 pm (UTC)(link)
but I can never think of an alternative to suggest.

I guess I'd say the alternative is either the pronoun or the person's name. Either one wouldn't be so awkward.

[identity profile] keefaq.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
"lover"- Yes, I have to squint a little and hurry to get past that or it throws me out of the story, not sure why.

"his scientist"?? -That's just embarrassing.

[identity profile] inthekeyofd.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:53 pm (UTC)(link)
For some reason when people used the word "lover or lovers" it makes me cringe.

[identity profile] gaffsie.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:54 pm (UTC)(link)
That, or it just seems like archaic Harlequin romance language. I see "lover", and I'm bracing for impact with "his throbbing member" or "his pulsing manhood". That, in a nutshell, is how I feel about "lover". It's just so... lame.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I just always assumed that I found it jarring because it seemed rather out of character for John or Rodney to use the word at all,

For them especially, but I've noticed that for a lot of other pairings too. I mean, I honestly can't see most of the pairings I've written thinking of each other in those terms.

(Then again, I'm not sure if I would like it in some historical AU either....)

Okay, now I'm imagining John referring to Rodney as his lemman.

*quietly purges brain*

[identity profile] lilyfarfalla.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm half-amused, half-horrified.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Eee! Mine too :) I was a bit ecstatic seeing that.

It's like referring to John as a soldier; I just find it weird.

Or pilot. I mean, there are places to introduce that sort of information, and times when it's appropriate, because they are accurate descriptors, but there's a way of doing it too that makes it, uh, not-weird.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:05 pm (UTC)(link)
"his scientist"?? -That's just embarrassing.

It's kind of a fanon expression, I've noticed, an extrapolation from "Rodney is the scientist on John's team," though I don't think I've ever seen Ronon referred to as "his Satedan warrior."

Then again, I haven't read much John/Ronon, but even so, if such a thing as "his Satedan warrior" exists, I do NOT want to know about it.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)
It's very good to know I'm not crazy.

Or, at least, not crazy in regards to this :D

[identity profile] tex.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:11 pm (UTC)(link)
You aren't nuts. I don't like the term lover either, no matter if its used in a first-time situation or an established relationship thing. Especially when you're talking about John and Rodney - I just can't see them using that word ever. Maybe "boyfriend", but only if they are trying to get a rise (hee) out of each other.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:11 pm (UTC)(link)
This is especially true in the case of John or Rodney, who's trope overwhelmingly seems to be "What the hell are we doing?", even when they're established partners.

Oh, yes, exactly. And I think even Rodney, with his passion for definitiveness, would shy away from that label, if only because he thinks it's wildly inaccurate :D

I see "lover", and I'm bracing for impact with "his throbbing member" or "his pulsing manhood".

[livejournal.com profile] weepingcock may be the place for you :D There are things there that make throbbing members look restrained and reasonable.

[identity profile] aesc.livejournal.com 2007-10-24 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe "boyfriend", but only if they are trying to get a rise (hee) out of each other.

Heh heh. That would degenerate into shouting, I think.

"Take that back!" shouted Rodney.

"What? Boyfriend?" John stuck his tongue out.

"Oh, really mature, Sheppard."

"Yeah, well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say about me bounces off me and sticks to you."

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