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.ficturespam: Not a night goes by
Hokay! I'm still really annoyed with myself at forgetting to upload my Doppelganger stuff before I left, but I am so dedicated that I watched the episode again and pulled more caps and wrote up ficturespam for it. Yesh, such hardship I endure... But seriously, HOW AWESOME was this episode?
*sacrifices firstborn to Robert Cooper*
On the images: Some of these are experiments in color and lighting correction, so they may not match the color/lighting you remember from the episode. (I love my show, I really, really do, but the color filters drive me a bit nuts.) As is the case with all of my ficturespams, any/all graphics are free for the taking, and for whatever nefarious purpose you can devise.
Also, there are a few icons at the end.
I saw "Doppelganger" the first time when I found out that it had been accidentally uploaded to iTunes, and had a very productive afternoon with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dogeared squeeing about it. I watched it again on Sheppard the iPod on my Friday evening flight home, and it's kind of amazing I wasn't subdued by flight marshals with the way I was leering and bouncing around in my seat.
So anyway, we get the spectrum of John Sheppard in this one: cranky John, evil John, woobie John, worried-for-his-boyfriend John, sad John, I'm-going-to-pretend-to-cooperate John... I will be pointing these various Johns out to you as they appear, and there will be some completely random commentary too.
John Sheppard is having a very bad day, but really, bad days in the Pegasus Galaxy tend to be the days that end in 'y.' Granted, they aren't being held prisoner on a Wraith ship, and there isn't an alien priestess trying to tie him up (yet), but still... The guy in a warm room at his computer is really a sadistic, Rodney-like bastard. The uh, the bastard.
The only high point for him so far is that Rodney's so distracted by winning his bet with Zelenka that he missed John's Douglas Adams reference. Even then, that really isn't a high point because John had imagined that Rodney, hearing "42," would be overcome with lust and then drag John off into the bushes.
Dammit.
And then... squelch.
Goddammit.
Commodore 64? Triple-barrelled shotgun?
Kaleidoscope.
When he was a kid, John had been convinced that, if Most Boring Man was an Olympic event, his dad would have won the gold medal. His dad's idea of a really exciting summer vacation was piling his wife and children into his Chevrolet (no air conditioning, no suspension, but with suspiciously sticky seats) and dragging them off on a tour of Civil War battlefields of the South or to Amish country in Pennsylvania (they hadn't seen a single Amish person), and once, to the Everglades. John's father wouldn't spend a dollar so John could hold a baby alligator, and had refused to let them go on a hydrofoil ride no matter that John wore his knees bloody with heartfelt pleading.
The one time they'd done something fun had been the summer of John's tenth year. He and Jane (that was how boring his dad was, John and Jane, for God's sake) had been dying of boredom in the backseat, Jane's sweaty forehead against the window, John listlessly peeling the paper covering off the kaleidoscope that his dad had given him for his birthday, and somewhere in the wastes of Missouri they'd seen a sign for a state fair. Somehow, somehow, John's mother convinced her husband that parting with money was not like amputating a leg, and they'd spent all afternoon and part of the evening going on rides, playing games, eating normal things like hot dogs and cotton candy and fried dough.
He still remembers riding the Ferris wheel until the carnie told him to get the hell off, then sneaking back on it for a last ride at night, and though it's probably a sad commentary that a Ferris wheel had been the highlight of his first ten years of existence, he still loves it.*
ZAP!
Getting back to real life...
He really, really should know better than to touch shiny things by now. That's what got him in this mess to start with, only these days nothing so innocent as a map of the galaxy pops up. Mostly, "did I do that?" is followed by running, blood, and Rodney yelling at him.
It's dark in the forest, even though bright lights strobe around the edge of John's vision, but he can still see Rodney's face somewhere in the spotlights. He looks worried, really worried, which makes John kind of warm and tingly.
Or that could be the mysterious energy crystal thingy whatever.
Either way, maybe Rodney won't yell at him this time.
Or maybe he will.
Rodney's decided he can't deal with idiots who touch things they shouldn't and has gone off to his lab to crow and shove the energy crystal thingy whatever up Zelenka's nose. John goes to the infirmary with Teyla, only it's not "going" so much as it is "forced to go."
He smiles and is cooperative for Keller, though he's pretty sure neither she nor Teyla are fooled. He keeps smiling while Teyla tells him how concerned she is, his "I'm humoring you and being cooperative" expression, which Rodney usually describes as "vacant, kind of like a really dumb Labrador."
John hates Rodney, but still... he wishes Rodney had picked up on the Doug Adams reference. 42. Seriously.
Interruption
I would like to point out that it would be a very nice thing if John were eating grapes in my dreams on a regular basis.
Likewise, I wouldn't mind it if he looked kind of scary, so long as he didn't bring up trust issues. Also, JFlan's mouth is exceptionally pretty in this episode.
That night John sleeps like death, but at breakfast the next morning, Teyla looks like she's just risen from it.
Before the day is out, Rodney might also be dead too, the gossiping, I-completely-missed-your-awesome-Doug-Adams-reference bastard. It would serve him right, John thinks, and bites his muffin in half.
John's dad had never read him bedtime stories--that was for his mom to do, and it was a good thing. She read him books about planes and birds and space ships, and once even a Superman comic book. John thinks that if his dad had ever read him a story, it would have been about... John struggles to think of something boring. Carpet cleaning, or an instruction manual.
Still, though... Moby Dick is pretty harsh. John wonders if Rodney identifies with Ahab or what, or if just the thought of his planet-sized genius being snapped up by a giant sea mammal had been enough to make Rodney hide under the covers.
It had been the whale-dismantling that had freaked John out, though he remembers sitting in the back of his high-school English class snickering about sperm.
And speaking of which, Rodney is very pretty when he's lecturing. John pretends to pay attention.
Interruption
Evil!John totally pwns this episode, among other things.
He's really scary when he's enthralled, isn't he?
John works out some of his frustration with Ronon. It's a good way to turn down Teyla's offer of a beat-down for egging Rodney on about her creepy dream from last night, and it also has the completely unexpected, one-time bonus of him actually drawing blood and making it out of the gym alive.
He feels kind of evil, and tries to cackle to himself when he hears Ronon ruefully telling Keller that maybe he's taught John a bit too much.
Interruption
Out of everyone's dream, with the possible exception of Rodney's, Ronon's was just... wow. I mean, seriously, it has to suck beyond all belief to dream that 1) all your friends have vanished 2) you're back in the woods, running for your life, and 3) the person who helped rescue you and gave you a home and all your other friends knocks you unconscious and very happily buries you alive.
Seriously. Think about it for a second, and tell me if that doesn't suck.
Also, I would like to point out in the picture above this one that when John's trying to look evil, he just looks comical. I kept expecting him to tap his fingers together and cackle "Exxxcellent."
How scary is he? Really, that's how scary.
John doesn't find out until much, much later, but apparently when they'd all been talking about their worst nightmares and swapping Alien stories, Rodney had performed what Keller referred to as "Jocelyn Rutgers's breasts in sign language."
Clearly, Douglas Adams isn't going to be enough.
He decides their next movie night is going to be Alien, and maybe, if he plays his cards right and forgets the popcorn, Rodney will end up on his lap.
Interruption
Awwwww Rodney.
Alien, at least the kind with big teeth and slavering jaws, slips John's mind pretty quickly. Heightmeyer's dead, and Rodney's in mourning for her. Teyla is, too, and he figures they were kind of kindred spirits, both steady, willing to talk, and generally much better-adjusted than the rest of them.
He knows they've been talking about the possibility of someone impersonating him in everyone's dreams--replicator!John in Lorne's, Wraith!John in Teyla's, freakish betraying-of-best-friends and sociopath!John in Ronon's. And now, yay, murdering!John in Kate's.
What a fucking great day, and he can't even get close enough to Rodney now to drop in a whispered Original Series reference. It's probably incredibly petty for him to feel worse about that than about an innocent woman dying, but he can't help it.
When his door chirps at him he's already half-made the decision to go see Teyla, if Rodney's avoiding him and Ronon doesn't quite know what to make of him.
And like he's summoned her, Teyla's there, even though he scared the living daylights out of her in her dream and then killed her friend, and she's... oh God, this is serious, she's hugging him, and John can deal with the hands-to-the-sides Athosian head-touching, but not Teyla hugging him.
He touches her shoulder hesitantly, not really wanting to, but she shudders underneath his hand, so he has to keep touching, fingers glancing on and off her skin.
Interruption
asdlkjf oh, Rodney... *whimpers unhappily*
Improbably, the past few days reach a new low when Carter tells John it's Rodney this time around. And the murdering imposter John has already decided he likes killing innocent psychologists, so he's definitely not going to hesitate at killing innocent, hostile astrophysicists.
John can hear Rodney's foosteps, muted on the rubber floor, as he paces, and he wishes he could make that Original Series reference, or tell him, Hey, I kind of like you and I wish you knew that sooner but Carter isn't Elizabeth, and Carter's also right here, and heartfelt declarations of... of whatever aren't going to save Rodney's life.
He wants coffee. When they're out of this, John's going to send back to earth for the good stuff--Kona, a hundred percent, with the most expensive chocolate he can find and a box of No-Doz.
Like he tells Teyla, it's his stupid plan.
Rodney fidgets in his bed, a few feet away but too far to touch, for John to do anything but watch as he asks Keller if she's sure she knows what she's doing, Carson never did even though he pretended otherwise, bunch of voodoo practitioners.
The contact pads itch, and the dabs of gel Keller had applied to keep them stuck on are drying into a thin skim of misery. He fastens on to that, tries not to think about Rodney's unconscious and about how they're almost, kind of, sleeping together, and if maybe that isn't just a bit weird.
"I'm pretty screwed up," Rodney says apologetically.
We both are, John thinks.
He doesn't know how long it is, if it's a second or an hour or what, but at first he floats above everything, a huge sweep of water he recognizes as Lantea's ocean--and he doesn't even need to see the city, a terrifyingly long distance away, dull behind a curtain of rain.
Rodney's shirt sticks to him, his hair plastered down, fingers shaking and pale on the oars while he whispers and pleads and gasps for breath.
And there he is, and oh fuck, Rodney thinks it's him, that it's John, real-life John who's saying these things, give up, you're weak, you're pathetic, you'll never make it. And Rodney stares at him, eyes wide and glassy with disbelief, and when not-John asks him why Rodney thinks he wants to help, John's disembodied heart breaks a little at the look on Rodney's face.
I thought you were-- Rodney says, and later John will wonder what Rodney had been about to say.
For now, though, he has to get them home, back to the city, back to wakefulness, so he can save Rodney's life again, and gloat over it, again, and make fun of his rowboat.
Don't be afraid, he tells Rodney, and he's never meant anything more in his life.
He's read a bit about dream theory and virtual realities, and the ways people can manipulate their dream environments. He's pretty good at it himself, and he wonders what that says about him.
But one minute he's behind Rodney and the next he's next to him, Rodney soaked but his body alive with desperate heat. And John really really wants to punch the bastard wearing his face, wants to grab him and make him take him and Rodney back to the city, to quit with the clowns and people running through forests and rowing over stormy oceans and falling off towers.
He can't really hurt you, he tells Rodney, who looks momentarily willing to believe it.
A moment, long enough for John to feel the ocean surge under him, to think what the fucking fuck?
To wake up to the terminal beep of a monitor that says someone's dead, the harsh slap of paddles discharging, Keller's face, her despair clear behind a mask that reflects cruel flourescent lights.
The corridor stretches out forever, the city vast and silent around him.
His footsteps hover in his ears, a heavy and unforgiving sound.
What Teyla, Ronon, Carter, Keller, tell him... he knows. It is his fault, all of it; if he hadn't touched that rock McKay would still be alive; he was supposed to help Rodney--
I tried, he tells Carter. I tried.
--and yeah, you are a terrible friend, John Sheppard.
He thinks, distantly, that Carter and the rest of them had been making funeral arrangements. Carter had said something about how Rodney had redone his will, and Carter was in charge of handling his afterlife now... Which relieved him in one way, disappointed him in others.
I tried, he thinks, looking at them all again.
Story of his life.
And then. Then.
Okay, his turn for worst nightmare ever. Rodney dead and he's responsible for it, and he isn't scared so much as pissed off--no, not pissed off, furious. Blindly, blindly furious, and the rush of it is hot and welcome against the cold of loss, and when he throws himself at his otherself, wanting to drive them through the wall, wanting to hit and draw blood and crush and kill, he sees his otherself smile before the wall gives way.
Interruption
Wow. Just... wow. Also, evil!Sheppard totally pwns good!Sheppard.
His head rings and his entire body hurts, which he thinks shouldn't be possible considering it's a dream and anyway weren't you supposed to wake up if you pinched yourself? A boot in the face, fists in a rib... that has to be worth something more than the distant realization that, yeah, he is terrified of himself, that he likes to think of himself as not this cruel or ruthless, and that he's doing more than fighting for a life that doesn't feel like it's worth much now.
Interruption
Oh, Rodney. One of the things that kind of annoyed me (sorry) about this is that people keep thinking Rodney is terrible with scary situations. Um, sorry! But he isn't! Not really. I mean, he's just been brought back from cardiac arrest and he wants to go into John's head to face the thing that wanted to kill him. That is not handling a scary situation badly, people! That's being a very brave astrophysicist.
He's been thrown up the stairs and kicked back down the stairs by way of the balcony railing, which is a nice touch, he thinks, only he wishes he has Rodney's personal shield with him.
Get up his otherself says, Come on, John.
Fight.
Only it's what he wants, and though John actually kind of wants to himself, he really can't. In dreams a broken rib hurts as much as it does waking, and his lungs are threatening to collapse. He wonders what Keller's looking at right now, wonders what it's like to die when asleep, if it's any different than dying awake--if it'll hurt more than this, if Rodney would be there in something like the afterlife, if maybe his father wasn't right and staying on the ground was the sensible thing.
It's your fault, his otherself tells him, Heightmeyer's dead.
It's your fault McKay is dead.
And yeah, yeah it is. He knows this already, enough with the gloating, can we please get to the dying now?
I'm not dead.
Considering John tries not to remember his dreams as a general rule, he isn't surprised the next bit is fuzzy: his otherself turning, going toward Rodney's voice, Rodney standing there and not moving and looking very ready to die again.
Pain paints red and yellow across John's vision as he struggles to sit up. Behind him, the stargate pulses rhythmically, the soft thick wash of its event horizon.
You can't win, his otherself says, and his fists are buried in Rodney's coat now, pushing him back, and John wants to yell for Rodney to fight, do anything except die again, but Rodney lets himself be carried back, is saying something about how the creature thingy is vulnerable to electric shock, which is why I'm still alive, and then -- then --
John's really John, Rodney's really Rodney, they're really themselves.
And John's kind of grateful.
"I'd have thought there'd be more hot girls," Rodney says, looking at him curiously. "Huh."
"Yeah," John says, and thinks about saying thanks for all the fish.
And that was how it was that night, at least until Keller satisfies herself that they're alive and who they say they are: Rodney staring at John, kind of amazed in something more than a I can't believe we're not dead way, and John knowing exactly how he feels.
In the harsh light and shadows of the room, and the refracted glare from the machines, Rodney's eyes are bright even across the space between them, brilliant, kaleidoscopic, alive--a better rush than Ferris wheels.
-end-
want to know what happens next-ish? In media nocte
* = this came up in conversation withmklutz when she posted her picspam and commentary on "Doppelganger" a couple weeks ago. While it doesn't go with fandom's usual conception of John's father, I think the possibility that John comes from a middle-class, middle-America, and kind of boring family is hysterical.
.icons
*sacrifices firstborn to Robert Cooper*
On the images: Some of these are experiments in color and lighting correction, so they may not match the color/lighting you remember from the episode. (I love my show, I really, really do, but the color filters drive me a bit nuts.) As is the case with all of my ficturespams, any/all graphics are free for the taking, and for whatever nefarious purpose you can devise.
Also, there are a few icons at the end.
I saw "Doppelganger" the first time when I found out that it had been accidentally uploaded to iTunes, and had a very productive afternoon with
dogeared squeeing about it. I watched it again on Sheppard the iPod on my Friday evening flight home, and it's kind of amazing I wasn't subdued by flight marshals with the way I was leering and bouncing around in my seat.So anyway, we get the spectrum of John Sheppard in this one: cranky John, evil John, woobie John, worried-for-his-boyfriend John, sad John, I'm-going-to-pretend-to-cooperate John... I will be pointing these various Johns out to you as they appear, and there will be some completely random commentary too.
John Sheppard is having a very bad day, but really, bad days in the Pegasus Galaxy tend to be the days that end in 'y.' Granted, they aren't being held prisoner on a Wraith ship, and there isn't an alien priestess trying to tie him up (yet), but still... The guy in a warm room at his computer is really a sadistic, Rodney-like bastard. The uh, the bastard.
The only high point for him so far is that Rodney's so distracted by winning his bet with Zelenka that he missed John's Douglas Adams reference. Even then, that really isn't a high point because John had imagined that Rodney, hearing "42," would be overcome with lust and then drag John off into the bushes.
Dammit.
And then... squelch.
Goddammit.
Commodore 64? Triple-barrelled shotgun?
Kaleidoscope.
When he was a kid, John had been convinced that, if Most Boring Man was an Olympic event, his dad would have won the gold medal. His dad's idea of a really exciting summer vacation was piling his wife and children into his Chevrolet (no air conditioning, no suspension, but with suspiciously sticky seats) and dragging them off on a tour of Civil War battlefields of the South or to Amish country in Pennsylvania (they hadn't seen a single Amish person), and once, to the Everglades. John's father wouldn't spend a dollar so John could hold a baby alligator, and had refused to let them go on a hydrofoil ride no matter that John wore his knees bloody with heartfelt pleading.
The one time they'd done something fun had been the summer of John's tenth year. He and Jane (that was how boring his dad was, John and Jane, for God's sake) had been dying of boredom in the backseat, Jane's sweaty forehead against the window, John listlessly peeling the paper covering off the kaleidoscope that his dad had given him for his birthday, and somewhere in the wastes of Missouri they'd seen a sign for a state fair. Somehow, somehow, John's mother convinced her husband that parting with money was not like amputating a leg, and they'd spent all afternoon and part of the evening going on rides, playing games, eating normal things like hot dogs and cotton candy and fried dough.
He still remembers riding the Ferris wheel until the carnie told him to get the hell off, then sneaking back on it for a last ride at night, and though it's probably a sad commentary that a Ferris wheel had been the highlight of his first ten years of existence, he still loves it.*
ZAP!
Getting back to real life...
He really, really should know better than to touch shiny things by now. That's what got him in this mess to start with, only these days nothing so innocent as a map of the galaxy pops up. Mostly, "did I do that?" is followed by running, blood, and Rodney yelling at him.
It's dark in the forest, even though bright lights strobe around the edge of John's vision, but he can still see Rodney's face somewhere in the spotlights. He looks worried, really worried, which makes John kind of warm and tingly.
Or that could be the mysterious energy crystal thingy whatever.
Either way, maybe Rodney won't yell at him this time.
Or maybe he will.
Rodney's decided he can't deal with idiots who touch things they shouldn't and has gone off to his lab to crow and shove the energy crystal thingy whatever up Zelenka's nose. John goes to the infirmary with Teyla, only it's not "going" so much as it is "forced to go."
He smiles and is cooperative for Keller, though he's pretty sure neither she nor Teyla are fooled. He keeps smiling while Teyla tells him how concerned she is, his "I'm humoring you and being cooperative" expression, which Rodney usually describes as "vacant, kind of like a really dumb Labrador."
John hates Rodney, but still... he wishes Rodney had picked up on the Doug Adams reference. 42. Seriously.
Interruption
I would like to point out that it would be a very nice thing if John were eating grapes in my dreams on a regular basis.
Likewise, I wouldn't mind it if he looked kind of scary, so long as he didn't bring up trust issues. Also, JFlan's mouth is exceptionally pretty in this episode.
That night John sleeps like death, but at breakfast the next morning, Teyla looks like she's just risen from it.
Before the day is out, Rodney might also be dead too, the gossiping, I-completely-missed-your-awesome-Doug-Adams-reference bastard. It would serve him right, John thinks, and bites his muffin in half.
John's dad had never read him bedtime stories--that was for his mom to do, and it was a good thing. She read him books about planes and birds and space ships, and once even a Superman comic book. John thinks that if his dad had ever read him a story, it would have been about... John struggles to think of something boring. Carpet cleaning, or an instruction manual.
Still, though... Moby Dick is pretty harsh. John wonders if Rodney identifies with Ahab or what, or if just the thought of his planet-sized genius being snapped up by a giant sea mammal had been enough to make Rodney hide under the covers.
It had been the whale-dismantling that had freaked John out, though he remembers sitting in the back of his high-school English class snickering about sperm.
And speaking of which, Rodney is very pretty when he's lecturing. John pretends to pay attention.
Interruption
Evil!John totally pwns this episode, among other things.
He's really scary when he's enthralled, isn't he?
John works out some of his frustration with Ronon. It's a good way to turn down Teyla's offer of a beat-down for egging Rodney on about her creepy dream from last night, and it also has the completely unexpected, one-time bonus of him actually drawing blood and making it out of the gym alive.
He feels kind of evil, and tries to cackle to himself when he hears Ronon ruefully telling Keller that maybe he's taught John a bit too much.
Interruption
Out of everyone's dream, with the possible exception of Rodney's, Ronon's was just... wow. I mean, seriously, it has to suck beyond all belief to dream that 1) all your friends have vanished 2) you're back in the woods, running for your life, and 3) the person who helped rescue you and gave you a home and all your other friends knocks you unconscious and very happily buries you alive.
Seriously. Think about it for a second, and tell me if that doesn't suck.
Also, I would like to point out in the picture above this one that when John's trying to look evil, he just looks comical. I kept expecting him to tap his fingers together and cackle "Exxxcellent."
How scary is he? Really, that's how scary.
John doesn't find out until much, much later, but apparently when they'd all been talking about their worst nightmares and swapping Alien stories, Rodney had performed what Keller referred to as "Jocelyn Rutgers's breasts in sign language."
Clearly, Douglas Adams isn't going to be enough.
He decides their next movie night is going to be Alien, and maybe, if he plays his cards right and forgets the popcorn, Rodney will end up on his lap.
Interruption
Awwwww Rodney.
Alien, at least the kind with big teeth and slavering jaws, slips John's mind pretty quickly. Heightmeyer's dead, and Rodney's in mourning for her. Teyla is, too, and he figures they were kind of kindred spirits, both steady, willing to talk, and generally much better-adjusted than the rest of them.
He knows they've been talking about the possibility of someone impersonating him in everyone's dreams--replicator!John in Lorne's, Wraith!John in Teyla's, freakish betraying-of-best-friends and sociopath!John in Ronon's. And now, yay, murdering!John in Kate's.
What a fucking great day, and he can't even get close enough to Rodney now to drop in a whispered Original Series reference. It's probably incredibly petty for him to feel worse about that than about an innocent woman dying, but he can't help it.
When his door chirps at him he's already half-made the decision to go see Teyla, if Rodney's avoiding him and Ronon doesn't quite know what to make of him.
And like he's summoned her, Teyla's there, even though he scared the living daylights out of her in her dream and then killed her friend, and she's... oh God, this is serious, she's hugging him, and John can deal with the hands-to-the-sides Athosian head-touching, but not Teyla hugging him.
He touches her shoulder hesitantly, not really wanting to, but she shudders underneath his hand, so he has to keep touching, fingers glancing on and off her skin.
Interruption
asdlkjf oh, Rodney... *whimpers unhappily*
Improbably, the past few days reach a new low when Carter tells John it's Rodney this time around. And the murdering imposter John has already decided he likes killing innocent psychologists, so he's definitely not going to hesitate at killing innocent, hostile astrophysicists.
John can hear Rodney's foosteps, muted on the rubber floor, as he paces, and he wishes he could make that Original Series reference, or tell him, Hey, I kind of like you and I wish you knew that sooner but Carter isn't Elizabeth, and Carter's also right here, and heartfelt declarations of... of whatever aren't going to save Rodney's life.
He wants coffee. When they're out of this, John's going to send back to earth for the good stuff--Kona, a hundred percent, with the most expensive chocolate he can find and a box of No-Doz.
Like he tells Teyla, it's his stupid plan.
Rodney fidgets in his bed, a few feet away but too far to touch, for John to do anything but watch as he asks Keller if she's sure she knows what she's doing, Carson never did even though he pretended otherwise, bunch of voodoo practitioners.
The contact pads itch, and the dabs of gel Keller had applied to keep them stuck on are drying into a thin skim of misery. He fastens on to that, tries not to think about Rodney's unconscious and about how they're almost, kind of, sleeping together, and if maybe that isn't just a bit weird.
"I'm pretty screwed up," Rodney says apologetically.
We both are, John thinks.
He doesn't know how long it is, if it's a second or an hour or what, but at first he floats above everything, a huge sweep of water he recognizes as Lantea's ocean--and he doesn't even need to see the city, a terrifyingly long distance away, dull behind a curtain of rain.
Rodney's shirt sticks to him, his hair plastered down, fingers shaking and pale on the oars while he whispers and pleads and gasps for breath.
And there he is, and oh fuck, Rodney thinks it's him, that it's John, real-life John who's saying these things, give up, you're weak, you're pathetic, you'll never make it. And Rodney stares at him, eyes wide and glassy with disbelief, and when not-John asks him why Rodney thinks he wants to help, John's disembodied heart breaks a little at the look on Rodney's face.
I thought you were-- Rodney says, and later John will wonder what Rodney had been about to say.
For now, though, he has to get them home, back to the city, back to wakefulness, so he can save Rodney's life again, and gloat over it, again, and make fun of his rowboat.
Don't be afraid, he tells Rodney, and he's never meant anything more in his life.
He's read a bit about dream theory and virtual realities, and the ways people can manipulate their dream environments. He's pretty good at it himself, and he wonders what that says about him.
But one minute he's behind Rodney and the next he's next to him, Rodney soaked but his body alive with desperate heat. And John really really wants to punch the bastard wearing his face, wants to grab him and make him take him and Rodney back to the city, to quit with the clowns and people running through forests and rowing over stormy oceans and falling off towers.
He can't really hurt you, he tells Rodney, who looks momentarily willing to believe it.
A moment, long enough for John to feel the ocean surge under him, to think what the fucking fuck?
To wake up to the terminal beep of a monitor that says someone's dead, the harsh slap of paddles discharging, Keller's face, her despair clear behind a mask that reflects cruel flourescent lights.
The corridor stretches out forever, the city vast and silent around him.
His footsteps hover in his ears, a heavy and unforgiving sound.
What Teyla, Ronon, Carter, Keller, tell him... he knows. It is his fault, all of it; if he hadn't touched that rock McKay would still be alive; he was supposed to help Rodney--
I tried, he tells Carter. I tried.
--and yeah, you are a terrible friend, John Sheppard.
He thinks, distantly, that Carter and the rest of them had been making funeral arrangements. Carter had said something about how Rodney had redone his will, and Carter was in charge of handling his afterlife now... Which relieved him in one way, disappointed him in others.
I tried, he thinks, looking at them all again.
Story of his life.
And then. Then.
Okay, his turn for worst nightmare ever. Rodney dead and he's responsible for it, and he isn't scared so much as pissed off--no, not pissed off, furious. Blindly, blindly furious, and the rush of it is hot and welcome against the cold of loss, and when he throws himself at his otherself, wanting to drive them through the wall, wanting to hit and draw blood and crush and kill, he sees his otherself smile before the wall gives way.
Interruption
Wow. Just... wow. Also, evil!Sheppard totally pwns good!Sheppard.
His head rings and his entire body hurts, which he thinks shouldn't be possible considering it's a dream and anyway weren't you supposed to wake up if you pinched yourself? A boot in the face, fists in a rib... that has to be worth something more than the distant realization that, yeah, he is terrified of himself, that he likes to think of himself as not this cruel or ruthless, and that he's doing more than fighting for a life that doesn't feel like it's worth much now.
Interruption
Oh, Rodney. One of the things that kind of annoyed me (sorry) about this is that people keep thinking Rodney is terrible with scary situations. Um, sorry! But he isn't! Not really. I mean, he's just been brought back from cardiac arrest and he wants to go into John's head to face the thing that wanted to kill him. That is not handling a scary situation badly, people! That's being a very brave astrophysicist.
He's been thrown up the stairs and kicked back down the stairs by way of the balcony railing, which is a nice touch, he thinks, only he wishes he has Rodney's personal shield with him.
Get up his otherself says, Come on, John.
Fight.
Only it's what he wants, and though John actually kind of wants to himself, he really can't. In dreams a broken rib hurts as much as it does waking, and his lungs are threatening to collapse. He wonders what Keller's looking at right now, wonders what it's like to die when asleep, if it's any different than dying awake--if it'll hurt more than this, if Rodney would be there in something like the afterlife, if maybe his father wasn't right and staying on the ground was the sensible thing.
It's your fault, his otherself tells him, Heightmeyer's dead.
It's your fault McKay is dead.
And yeah, yeah it is. He knows this already, enough with the gloating, can we please get to the dying now?
I'm not dead.
Considering John tries not to remember his dreams as a general rule, he isn't surprised the next bit is fuzzy: his otherself turning, going toward Rodney's voice, Rodney standing there and not moving and looking very ready to die again.
Pain paints red and yellow across John's vision as he struggles to sit up. Behind him, the stargate pulses rhythmically, the soft thick wash of its event horizon.
You can't win, his otherself says, and his fists are buried in Rodney's coat now, pushing him back, and John wants to yell for Rodney to fight, do anything except die again, but Rodney lets himself be carried back, is saying something about how the creature thingy is vulnerable to electric shock, which is why I'm still alive, and then -- then --
John's really John, Rodney's really Rodney, they're really themselves.
And John's kind of grateful.
"I'd have thought there'd be more hot girls," Rodney says, looking at him curiously. "Huh."
"Yeah," John says, and thinks about saying thanks for all the fish.
And that was how it was that night, at least until Keller satisfies herself that they're alive and who they say they are: Rodney staring at John, kind of amazed in something more than a I can't believe we're not dead way, and John knowing exactly how he feels.
In the harsh light and shadows of the room, and the refracted glare from the machines, Rodney's eyes are bright even across the space between them, brilliant, kaleidoscopic, alive--a better rush than Ferris wheels.
-end-
want to know what happens next-ish? In media nocte
* = this came up in conversation with
mklutz when she posted her picspam and commentary on "Doppelganger" a couple weeks ago. While it doesn't go with fandom's usual conception of John's father, I think the possibility that John comes from a middle-class, middle-America, and kind of boring family is hysterical..icons
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(Also: best caps ever. The one of Rodney and Zelenka in the rubber-room? Oh. My. God.)
(Alsoalso: I didn't really take any of the other nightmares seriously, but Ronon's had me on the verge of tears, even while the expression on John's face had me giggling. It was an almost painful experience. *nodnod*)
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NOW I'm slacking off. So. Breakdown:
1) The first image is gorgeous. Do you spend like, hours playing with your media player to get the picture at the exact mili-second that you want it?
2)*hangs head* I missed the HGttG reference. I am ashamed.
3) I hate John's father and we haven't even properly met him yet. I really, really hope (for John's sake) that when we 'meet' him this season, he's better than all of fandom paints him. Although, I admit that there are things in the character that point to having that kind of father, but still. The dollar-for-a-crocodile bit was an excellent little detail.
4)Mostly, "did I do that?" is followed by running, blood, and Rodney yelling at him. LMAO
5) his "I'm humoring you and being cooperative" expression, which Rodney usually describes as "vacant, kind of like a really dumb Labrador." *cackles* It's a good thing I did read this for the first time at home or my boss would have been making eyes at me.
6) I would like to point out that it would be a very nice thing if John were eating grapes in my dreams on a regular basis.. Seriously, what do we know about his wife that would indicate HOW she snagged him? Because, really, a speciman this perfect ought to put on display for all womankind. But then we wouldn't see him skateboarding or guitaring in his natural habitat. Hmmmm..... This requires thought. Also: you want him eating grapes himself or feeding them to you?
7)JFlan's mouth is exceptionally pretty in this episode. This is where you are wrong. Because everything about JFlan is pretty in this episode.
8) The face in the picture above these words: Evil!John totally pwns this episode, among other things. freaked me out in a delicious way, as did all the pictures like it.
9)Out of everyone's dream, with the possible exception of Rodney's, Ronon's was just... wow. I mean, seriously, it has to suck beyond all belief to dream that 1) all your friends have vanished 2) you're back in the woods, running for your life, and 3) the person who helped rescue you and gave you a home and all your other friends knocks you unconscious and very happily buries you alive. Like I said, tears.
I kept stroking Ronon's face on the screenno subject
11) replicator!John in Lorne's Bare!foot Lorne!!!!! *flails*
12) she's hugging him. Yeah. That was weird.
13) asdlkjf oh, Rodney... *whimpers unhappily* And I just kept asking 'what did they do to his hair this episode and why don't they keep doing it?!?"
14) I personally LOVED the coloring of Rodney's nightmare. Like WAOH. Things learned? David Hewlett looks very, very, very good rowing a boat and soaking wet. The cap of just him in the boat? Made of win. On the other hand, JFlan looks good soaking wet (a la Seige), but a bit silly with his hair just flattened down instead of soaked.
15) Okay. I knew that Rodney couldn't be dead. But still. Watching John walk down the hallway killed me like ded.
16) Of course John's worst nightmare is that he killed/could not save a member of his team. *comforts*
17) The fight? Oh. My. God. Camera shots could have been a bit better because you could tell that it was different visual being cut/pasted together when one John wasn't quite really looking at the other. But still. Woah.
18) Also, evil!Sheppard totally pwns good!Sheppard. What's another way to say 'liek waoh'?
19) What I don't understand is how anyone could have thought that Rodney would do anything else BUT go back in to save John. Slash-glasses aside. Really. People who say that he is not brave are not watching the same show that we are....
20) Re the hot girls: Thought I had walking back to work? 1) why didn't they wake up immediately after neutralizing the nightmare-man? and 2) this is a nightmare. If there would have been girls there, they would have confirmed the gayness, that's why there weren't any there. But there should have been. Nightmare-John would have had the face of ex-Mrs Sheppard otherwise.
Right. Twenty points are enough, I think.
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It's not the evol!Sheppard ones, just the ones when John and Ronon are in the infirmary and he's stroking his chin and trying not to smile. He's so silly looking, even though the chin-stroking is clearly the mannerism of an Evil Overlord.
Bare!foot Lorne!!!!! *flails*
I have lots of Lorne... in the caps I have on my desktop... a thousand miles away... *wibbles angrily at self*
Yeah. That was weird.
John clearly thought so too XD
David Hewlett looks very, very, very good rowing a boat and soaking wet. The cap of just him in the boat? Made of win.
Yis. Also, his sleeves are very long and come over his wrists, like the sleeves of his orange fleece. I find this to be unbearably adorable. (Also, I am with you on the hair.)
On the other hand, JFlan looks good soaking wet (a la Seige), but a bit silly with his hair just flattened down instead of soaked.
I think you can tell that, at least in the shot from the back, good!John is clearly someone else, because I don't think it's physically possible for JFlan's hair to be completely flattened. Evol!John's hair is wet, yes, but still manages to be spiky.
Of course John's worst nightmare is that he killed/could not save a member of his team. *comforts*
*snuggles him* And, you know, killing/not being able to save Rodney. And yeah, I knew Rodney was alive because I know David Hewlett's talked about filming other episodes, but still! asdlkjf oh John, so sad and alone and defeated.
What's another way to say 'liek waoh'?
Like whoa :D
People who say that he is not brave are not watching the same show that we are....
I knowwwww!!! I want to smack the writers for being selectively blind to that, because really, isn't the definition of bravery being stupidly scared but doing what you need to do anyway? And that's what Rodney always does, and sometimes without bitching or moaning about it. Like, when he sees John needs help, he goes and helps him even though he knows first-hand how dangerous it is. The same thing in "Aurora" and "Hide and Seek." So, yes. Brave astrophysicist.
1) why didn't they wake up immediately after neutralizing the nightmare-man?
Clearly John didn't want to wake up yet :D
2) this is a nightmare. If there would have been girls there, they would have confirmed the gayness, that's why there weren't any there.
Well, when evol!John is gone, it's just John's subconscious, I guess, so it's not really a nightmare anymore--they're just in a regular dream. Which Rodney, being oblivious, would think involves lots of hot girls.
*is pleased with logic*
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Sometimes :D I haven't found a good (free) screencapping program yet. Though I've heard that you can apparently do this with vlc player, I've yet to figure out how.
Although, I admit that there are things in the character that point to having that kind of father, but still. The dollar-for-a-crocodile bit was an excellent little detail.
I told
It's a good thing I did read this for the first time at home or my boss would have been making eyes at me.
His expression there is kind of like my Labrador's... sort of "I will smile amiably at you, although I have no idea what you're saying."
Also: you want him eating grapes himself or feeding them to you?
Oh a little of one, a little of the other.
Because everything about JFlan is pretty in this episode.
Exceptionally pretty, I said. Hypnotically, really, because there were times when I had to stare for minutes on end and think "This world is totally unfair."
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1) I have lots of Lorne... in the caps I have on my desktop... a thousand miles away... *wibbles angrily at self*. Awww. *pets* It'll be okay.
2) I find this to be unbearably adorable. (Also, I am with you on the hair.) . Personally, I find David Hewlett to be unbearably adorable all of the time.
3) at least in the shot from the back, good!John is clearly someone else. Well, it would have to be. But there are shots of real!John next to Rodney in which his hair is kind of flat on top of his head. Not soaking wet and plastered to his head, but kind of flat on top of his head. Like a plate, or something. I'm sorry. I am braindead from having to restore 100 GB of information back onto my computer. And I write better than that. There's a better way to describe his hair in those moments and it has completely escaped me. *sniffles*
4) but still! asdlkjf oh John, so sad and alone and defeated. I know. *nods* But it's okay, because once the credits started to roll, Rodney and John went back to their quarters and kissed it all better.
5) isn't the definition of bravery being stupidly scared but doing what you need to do anyway? I'm sure you've got the Webster definition down verbaitum, right there. :-)
6) they're just in a regular dream. Which Rodney, being oblivious, would think involves lots of hot girls. / *is pleased with logic* That is very good logic. *nodnod* I'm impressed. You have eased much worry.
7) you can apparently do this with vlc player. You can! You can! I did it by mistake the other day and still have the cap to prove it. But I haven't yet restored VLC to my computer so I can't tell you how I did it. *is sad* (However, if I did it by mistake, I have full confidence that you can figure it out in a second flat it you concentrate for about, two seconds.)
8) there were times when I had to stare for minutes on end and think "This world is totally unfair.". You know, my father's been saying lately about how you can react in two ways to any situation. Be happy. Or not be happy. I choose to be happy over the fact that JFlan was featured in four episodes of Cupid, instead of upset that it was cancelled. I choose to be happy over the fact that SGA was created, and that it continues to run, and that JFlan plays John instead of Lorne and gets more screen-time. I also choose to be happy over the fact that I get the chance to oggle his very fine self in some kind of peril once a week. (My sister started watching SGA with me for the hostage episodes. Particularly the one in which they visit the planet that keeps the 'gate on a prisoner's island--I'm usually good with episode names. I've mentioned the brain-deadedness already, right?)
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But it's okay, because once the credits started to roll, Rodney and John went back to their quarters and kissed it all better. I felt so much better after I thought that :D
You have eased much worry. Which really should be the primary objective of logic. Oh wait...
You can! You can! I did it by mistake the other day and still have the cap to prove it. asdlkjf if by any chance you resurrect it, please tell meeee!!!! I've been up and down the vlc player's options for screen captures and can't find anything. It's like looking for my car keys... I know it's there, but I can't find it.
My sister started watching SGA with me for the hostage episodes. Your sister has good taste. "Condemned" was awesome.
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Now, what makes me think that ISN'T what you needed to know is that it seems absurdly simple. On the hand, so long as you've got your picture....
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- Go to Parameter, or whatever name it has.
- Look for Preferences.
- Open Interface
- Can be useful to tick the advanced options box on the lower right corner.
- Then, Hotkeys Settings.
- And change the keys like you want. Me, I chose S for the captures.
Not even need to pause the video, just hit the designed key and the caps go in My Pictured Folder. I think you can even change that option for the folder you prefer.